It does not happen often but I have posted two days in a row. This is because last night I wanted to update quickly about the medical aspect of the situation. Today the focus is both the medical/logistical & emotional aspects of the situation that are grabbing at my head and my heart. Today we have been home most of the day and it is better to be home and yet it is still difficult to relax. Things have changed and are getting harder each day. So much has happened and is happening everyday. I don't mean to sound negative, but it is getting harder to find the positive lessons that come from this horrible disease and the impact that it has on our family. Robert seems lost and I fear that we will lose him. Everything is uncertain and I feel sadness for all of us.
Not all cancers are created equal. I do not mean to take away the devastation and fear that comes with anyone's cancer diagnosis and I wish that no one would ever have to be given the diagnosis. I can only speak from our experience and tell you that brain cancer is a brutal and unforgiving cancer that takes away many abilities of the patient and the family. It is aggressive and relentless in its power to grow and spread rapidly. The comfort of learning that it rarely metastasizes is now over-ridden by the first hand discovery that brain cancer does interfere with patients functioning and independence. If I have anger - I will direct it at the cancers that are fighting against Robert's body.
We will have to continue to work to find another 'new normal' and I know that it is critical in finding peace with the circumstances. Please pray for all of us as we continue to find the strength to fight, thrive, and find peace.
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My Condition - Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This condition has four different grades (I - IV). My tumor is a grade IV GBM. This is the most aggressive GBM tumor. I have included a little section of The Essential Guide to BRAIN TUMORS below to describe the condition more completely.
Astrocytoma
An astrocytoma develops from star-shaped glial cells (astrocytes) that support nerve cells. These tumors can be located anywhere in the brain, but the most common location is in the frontal lobe. Astrocytomas are the most common primary CNS tumor.
The physician, usually the neurosurgeon or neurooncologist, will discuss the type and location of an astrocytoma. The pathologist will assign it a grade. Astrocytomas are generally classified as low or high grade. Low-grade astrocytomas (grades I and II) are slow growing. High-grade astrocytomas (grades III and IV) grow more quickly. The main tumor type is listed for each grade. There are additional tumor types in each of these grades.
The WHO classification divides astrocytomas into four grades:
- Grade I Pilocytic Astrocytoma
- Grade II Low-Grade Astrocytoma
- Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma
- Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
Characteristics
The characteristics of an astrocytoma vary depending on the tumor’s grade and location. Most people are functioning normally when diagnosed with a low-grade astrocytoma. Symptoms tend to be subtle and may take one to two years to diagnose. This is because the brain can often adapt to a slow-growing tumor for a period of time. Highgrade tumors may present with changes that are sudden and dramatic.
Symptoms
- Headaches
- Seizures or convulsions
- Difficulty thinking or speaking
- Behavioral or cognitive changes (related to thinking, reasoning, and memory)
- Weakness or paralysis in one part or one side of the body
- Loss of balance
- Vision changes
- Nausea or vomiting
4 comments:
Tammy,Robert, Bryce, and Trey --
My heart aches for all of you. I hear your anger and find it totally justified. I have seen your strength and it has amazed me again and again. This cancer is cruel and ugly and you were dealt an unfair blow. I want to say something to fix this but alas this is not a thing that can be fixed with words. I have and will continue to pray daily. I wish for you the strength and peace you deserve and I honor your ability to express not only your positivity and hope but also your frustration and fear. With Love,
Linda, Brandon, & Chad Murveit
Tammy and Robert
Just wanted to thank you for letting me take your precious boys today. Seeing them with Ray and Andie makes me feel so happy to see how well they are doing. I took in every joyful moment-they laughed, played, fed the geese, watched the geese poop (which was probably the highlight)challenged each other on the monkey bars and scooters and argued. It also makes me at peace that I can help in some way to give you some time to breath, get things in order, spend some time alone and to be. You both are amazing. Robert, I loved your smile and your hug today it warmed me from the inside out!! Tammy, I am so proud of you for taking Bryce to baseball and carrying on with your daily life. It was a good day!!! We all love you guys. Amy,Ed, Ray and Andie
In the valleys you will find your path. In the trenches you will find the way to climb. In the flood you will find the way to float. In the time of free fall...catch on to one another...hold tight...breathe...and take the flight and fall and know you will caught and carried by those who love you.
You are right...this vicious disease is devastating and horrible...you are graceful and grateful. This disease is fearful and frightening at what you've lost already...You are not vengeful but full of hope and dreams.
You may feel dispair, anger wrought with fear and desperation...take that moment to write these words...
No matter what moments lay ahead of us...we have the diagnosis love, love, love that see all things, transcends all things, does all things and cures all things. Love is patient, love is kind, love is not spiteful but love is forever and love is what you have now and forever to celebrate.
Hold on to your moments each breath, each step to the next appointment, each time you have to answer how are you today...each time you have to explain to the boys why Daddy is not answering or why Daddy is different...hold on to your strength of love...let it be your armour...your guiding light to say...We are good in the greatness in love. We are strong to see this through with love, love, love, love.
Tammy and Robert...miracles happen every day..no medicine, no trial no procedure can concur that all is well in the heart of the beloved. Hang on to your hopes. Keep you head to the sun...feel the warmth of healing on the hands of those helping you, holding you...giving shoulders to cry on. As you move this mountain...know you are in the center of the storm and you will find that warmth of His peace in his Grace.
May God bless you and hold you close...may you hear His gentle whispers of calm as you take your deep breaths of trust and wisdom in your embrace of one another...to endure another moment of life in love...forever!
XOOX
Ang, Chuck, Gabbi, Maddi
Tammy, Robert, and boys,
We think of you often and you are always in our thoughts. Our hearts are heavy with the pain that you bear. We hope that you can continue to find the strength in each other to stay positive and look ahead to brighter days. We feel your anger too, and can only hope that the anger fuels your strength even more. One step at a time and one foot in front of the other. Lots of hugs and love to you all.
Leah, Daryl and Brynn
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