I think about writing all of the time and yet there never seems to be the 'right' time, enough time, or enough energy when there is time. These are issues that are not new to any person, but they do seem to be more prevalent and more difficult to work through then before. Everything seems harder, everything takes longer, and everything has new meaning. So here I am today - alone and with time to write and it is hard to know what to write. I want everyone to know that we are doing well - considering. We continue to move forward. Some days we move more rapidly & freely and some days we move more slowly trying to carry the weight of everything that has happened & the loss of not having Robert here.
It has been six months and its does not feel like it has been six months. That is probably because it is still hard to believe that any of this has happened. It seems unreal - it seems impossible and I don't want the reality to catch up with me - as I do not know how I will be able to handle it.
I hold on to what I do know. I know that our love was real- our family was strong- and our love will live in our hearts.
I believe that this is what will get us through the moments that feel impossible. I also know that we will have people who surround us - who will support us. The boys and I are forever grateful for the time with Robert and his presence can be felt - even today.
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My Condition - Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This condition has four different grades (I - IV). My tumor is a grade IV GBM. This is the most aggressive GBM tumor. I have included a little section of The Essential Guide to BRAIN TUMORS below to describe the condition more completely.
Astrocytoma
An astrocytoma develops from star-shaped glial cells (astrocytes) that support nerve cells. These tumors can be located anywhere in the brain, but the most common location is in the frontal lobe. Astrocytomas are the most common primary CNS tumor.
The physician, usually the neurosurgeon or neurooncologist, will discuss the type and location of an astrocytoma. The pathologist will assign it a grade. Astrocytomas are generally classified as low or high grade. Low-grade astrocytomas (grades I and II) are slow growing. High-grade astrocytomas (grades III and IV) grow more quickly. The main tumor type is listed for each grade. There are additional tumor types in each of these grades.
The WHO classification divides astrocytomas into four grades:
- Grade I Pilocytic Astrocytoma
- Grade II Low-Grade Astrocytoma
- Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma
- Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
Characteristics
The characteristics of an astrocytoma vary depending on the tumor’s grade and location. Most people are functioning normally when diagnosed with a low-grade astrocytoma. Symptoms tend to be subtle and may take one to two years to diagnose. This is because the brain can often adapt to a slow-growing tumor for a period of time. Highgrade tumors may present with changes that are sudden and dramatic.
Symptoms
- Headaches
- Seizures or convulsions
- Difficulty thinking or speaking
- Behavioral or cognitive changes (related to thinking, reasoning, and memory)
- Weakness or paralysis in one part or one side of the body
- Loss of balance
- Vision changes
- Nausea or vomiting
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