Feb 17th

The weather this season has been rare, unpredictable, and has brought with it diverse emotions. Calming & beautiful- when first falling and when it is untouched. Fierce & harsh- during the blizzard conditions. Frustrating and despised- when it has to be removed. Fun- when it is used to create tunnels, climbing mountains, and the prefect sledding routes. Some of the emotions overlap and we find ourselves able to respect the conditions, but unwilling to be in the snow. We appreciate the natural wonders that come from such an amazing weather event, but are ready to move on. There are the days/moments in which we are content and the moments in which we want everything to change and the snow to disappear immediately. Obviously- much related to the storms and the snow are beyond our control. The snow comes and the amounts collected on the ground are beyond our control. The attitude that we chose to deal with the conditions that we find ourselves in, is within our control. We either chose to see the beauty in the vast amounts of white hills that lay in front of us and play in it or we resent the logistical challenges that this amount of snow brings with it and are blinded to the beauty and the positive aspects of being in our homes with the people that we love and being able to spend quality time with them. Not having to go anywhere - because we can't.
Excuse my deep and ultra-emotional thoughts about 'weather'. It is just that the blizzard brings with it diverse emotions - just as our journey has brought to us. I find I still work to understand and comprehend what has happened and to find the the strength to recognize and deal with the things that we can control and recognize and release the things that are beyond our control. Robert was our leader in being able to do just that and he taught us so much. Everyday is finding the balance between dealing with the things that have happened and recognizing the many things that we have learned and are grateful for.
I do want to say that we are grateful for the people who take us in and make us feel so welcome and for the people who ban together to clear our street and our driveway - even when we are not home. There is "power in the People" and this is a part of the storm that I will remember most.

Jan. 30th

I think about writing all of the time and yet there never seems to be the 'right' time, enough time, or enough energy when there is time. These are issues that are not new to any person, but they do seem to be more prevalent and more difficult to work through then before. Everything seems harder, everything takes longer, and everything has new meaning. So here I am today - alone and with time to write and it is hard to know what to write. I want everyone to know that we are doing well - considering. We continue to move forward. Some days we move more rapidly & freely and some days we move more slowly trying to carry the weight of everything that has happened & the loss of not having Robert here.
It has been six months and its does not feel like it has been six months. That is probably because it is still hard to believe that any of this has happened. It seems unreal - it seems impossible and I don't want the reality to catch up with me - as I do not know how I will be able to handle it.
I hold on to what I do know. I know that our love was real- our family was strong- and our love will live in our hearts.
I believe that this is what will get us through the moments that feel impossible. I also know that we will have people who surround us - who will support us. The boys and I are forever grateful for the time with Robert and his presence can be felt - even today.

Jan.3rd

We have celebrated holidays, birthdays, New Year's, all within a month & a few days and it has been a celebration with a heaviness that hangs over us. Happiness and sadness both at the same time. Joy for the memories of these occasions with Robert, joy for the gift of experiencing the celebrations through the eyes of the children, and joy for the gifts that we receive in being surrounded by so many people who care.

I hope that everyone finds peace and happiness in all of their experiences- always.