I don't know why I have not written. Perhaps it has been to emotionally difficult to think about it - to write about it. Perhaps it was that I didn't want to sound negative. Or - maybe a lack of energy has prevented me from posting.
So here is what I know- Everything seems more difficult and takes longer then it used too, but I have always found the blog to be a therapeutic process and like the idea that others found it useful in being able to stay updated.
It would be impossible to not express some sadness/negativity when posting (sometimes) as we have experienced a great loss.
The lack of energy that I feel is both physical and emotional. There is much stress and there are moments that seem paralyzing. We always get up, it is just after taking time to reflect & re-energize.
Everything that we have been through - diagnosis, treatments, and lose - seems incomprehensible, unimaginable, and unreal. There is no other way to describe what has happened and how we feel about it. We miss Robert all day everyday.
However- we are doing well. We are still surrounded by so many who give to us in every possible way. We carry the good wishes and positive thoughts with us always and are uplifted by the kindness of others.
The boys are doing remarkably well and are my biggest motivators. They are wonderful in their ability to process and deal with reality and live in the moment. They are sensitive, open and honest and I learn from them. They have great memories of Robert and talk about him often.
I could write forever, but I just want to wish everyone a Happy & Healthy Holiday.
Building memories is a blessing - Having memories is a gift.
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My Condition - Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This condition has four different grades (I - IV). My tumor is a grade IV GBM. This is the most aggressive GBM tumor. I have included a little section of The Essential Guide to BRAIN TUMORS below to describe the condition more completely.
Astrocytoma
An astrocytoma develops from star-shaped glial cells (astrocytes) that support nerve cells. These tumors can be located anywhere in the brain, but the most common location is in the frontal lobe. Astrocytomas are the most common primary CNS tumor.
The physician, usually the neurosurgeon or neurooncologist, will discuss the type and location of an astrocytoma. The pathologist will assign it a grade. Astrocytomas are generally classified as low or high grade. Low-grade astrocytomas (grades I and II) are slow growing. High-grade astrocytomas (grades III and IV) grow more quickly. The main tumor type is listed for each grade. There are additional tumor types in each of these grades.
The WHO classification divides astrocytomas into four grades:
- Grade I Pilocytic Astrocytoma
- Grade II Low-Grade Astrocytoma
- Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma
- Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
Characteristics
The characteristics of an astrocytoma vary depending on the tumor’s grade and location. Most people are functioning normally when diagnosed with a low-grade astrocytoma. Symptoms tend to be subtle and may take one to two years to diagnose. This is because the brain can often adapt to a slow-growing tumor for a period of time. Highgrade tumors may present with changes that are sudden and dramatic.
Symptoms
- Headaches
- Seizures or convulsions
- Difficulty thinking or speaking
- Behavioral or cognitive changes (related to thinking, reasoning, and memory)
- Weakness or paralysis in one part or one side of the body
- Loss of balance
- Vision changes
- Nausea or vomiting
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