It seems odd, but I am not sure how long robert has been at Gilchrist. The days, hours, and minutes seem to pass without recognition of where we are in time. There seems to be less focus on the global concepts of time and a greater focus on the moments in which we find ourselves in. Planning ahead - even hours ahead seems impossible. Without the initiative that others take - it would be impossible.
While the days seem to blend together, there are certain dates that stick in my mind - as they were moments that we knew signified dramatic changes that would forever change all of our lives. The exact changes and the timing of the changes could not be imagined or determined and I now believe that there is a reason for that. There are so many phases that we pass through during this journey and each one brings about its own set of emotions, challenges, and perspectives, and most importantly lessons. If anyone had to try and experience, face, deal with, and process everything that happens over time it would be an overwhelming emotion and sense of loss - that it would knock them down to the ground and keep them down. I believe that we are created with defense mechanisms that only allow us to process and take on as much as we can handle. There is a reason why - when given the diagnosis of Glioblastoma Multiforme Gr. 4 no one tells you what will happen. Now it is happening and I hate what is happening and I am powerless to control it. I am not so self-absorbed to even presume that I should be able to control what is happening to Robert. I believe that it is in God's hands and pray that Robert will find peace and comfort during this next phase of the journey. Trey said it today and I was surprised to hear such a mature and insightful comment spoken by such a young child - "It is nobody's fault." I hope that I can maintain faith throughout this journey that I will travel through for the rest of my life. I hope for everyone to stay focused on the positive thoughts and memories and not to expend energy on the questions of why and the unfairness of the situation. We must try and maintain a positive attitude and uplifted spirit to assist us in finding peace and, courage, and to find the positive lessons to be learned. We love Robert and I know that this would be his message to us. Thanks to all for you support that reminds us each and every day that we are not alone.
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My Condition - Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This condition has four different grades (I - IV). My tumor is a grade IV GBM. This is the most aggressive GBM tumor. I have included a little section of The Essential Guide to BRAIN TUMORS below to describe the condition more completely.
Astrocytoma
An astrocytoma develops from star-shaped glial cells (astrocytes) that support nerve cells. These tumors can be located anywhere in the brain, but the most common location is in the frontal lobe. Astrocytomas are the most common primary CNS tumor.
The physician, usually the neurosurgeon or neurooncologist, will discuss the type and location of an astrocytoma. The pathologist will assign it a grade. Astrocytomas are generally classified as low or high grade. Low-grade astrocytomas (grades I and II) are slow growing. High-grade astrocytomas (grades III and IV) grow more quickly. The main tumor type is listed for each grade. There are additional tumor types in each of these grades.
The WHO classification divides astrocytomas into four grades:
- Grade I Pilocytic Astrocytoma
- Grade II Low-Grade Astrocytoma
- Grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma
- Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (or GBM)
Characteristics
The characteristics of an astrocytoma vary depending on the tumor’s grade and location. Most people are functioning normally when diagnosed with a low-grade astrocytoma. Symptoms tend to be subtle and may take one to two years to diagnose. This is because the brain can often adapt to a slow-growing tumor for a period of time. Highgrade tumors may present with changes that are sudden and dramatic.
Symptoms
- Headaches
- Seizures or convulsions
- Difficulty thinking or speaking
- Behavioral or cognitive changes (related to thinking, reasoning, and memory)
- Weakness or paralysis in one part or one side of the body
- Loss of balance
- Vision changes
- Nausea or vomiting
8 comments:
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you on this journey that you were given but did not choose. Your lives have touched so many lives and your challenges make me a better person. We will continue to lift your needs up to Heaven and pray that He continues to give you the strength you need on a daily basis.
Jeanne Mannion (Amy's sister)
Walking, climbing, running, racing, crawling and now...finally in the midst of a calm per se. No more running away...no more climbing that mountain...no more crawling with waiting for what, when...you don't have to race to appointments...race for healing...now we pray you are finding that moment of calm and stillness in what is happening. What is happening is beyond us and we are holding you deeply in prayer. May you know the gentle touch of God's hand guiding you in this...may you hear whispers of solcace and peace in these precious times of what is happening.
You may very well notice a moment that you want to last forever...stay there...keep that thought...keep that feeling of loving bliss and hold him close as you lead him through what is happening now...find that comfort and courage.
Know you are held through it all. We love you so very much...you will never fall..you will never be stopped...you will always forever be with that final diagnosis of love, love love.
Peace in Him-
Ang, Chuck, Gabbi, Maddi Grace
Once again your strength, courage and faith move me...beyond ANY words I can express in this blog. I hope that everyone following you on this journey has grown in thier own relationships (as I have)and holds even the smallest moments for a few minutes longer. YOU, Tami and Robert have touched people all over this country, people whom have never met you but have read and felt your sorrow, happiness, triumphs and disappointments. I have met you..once or twice and I want to share a "moment" I had with Robert. We were all at Padonia Station with our favorite band Faded Image..I was introduced to you and Robert by my cousin Christine Pipkin. You (tami) were dancing with friends and Robert couldn't take his eyes of off you...I said "oh is that your wife",and he said "not yet"...he told me he was in the process of moving fron ATL "for her"....
Your courage and grace touches us. We are so moved by you and have learned so much from you, Robert, and your boys throughout this journey. You did not choose this path, but you have each walked it with your heads held high and had amazing strength through the roughest patches. We thank you for sharing, letting us help, and being our friends. Our love is always with you. We are here for you.
Much love,
Leah, Daryl, and Brynn
Sending prayers and (((HUGS)))!
- Elise
Thank you for writing and allowing us to witness your journey. We are humbled by your strength, your insight, and your acceptance. May God, peace, comfort, and serenity continue to guide your families days.
Love,
Linda, Brandon & Chad
Tami,
Joy and I have quietly followed your journey and have so much respect for the poise, tenderness and strength your have shown. Know that our hearts and prayers are with you as you begin a new phase of life. Though it is difficult to think about right now, know that peace will come and life shall continue. If there is a positive in this journey, may be that the experience brings to focus the true value of friends, the special nature every moment in time holds and the realization that life is composed of both memories from the past and a future yet to unfold.
All our love,
Bob, Joy, Caleb & Keiko
Tammy, I sit here and think how strong you are and how proud Robert would be of your strength. You have wonderful memories of your life with Robert and the boys. Put them formost in your thoughts and remember the good times. My love and prayers are with you now and always. Carolyn
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