April 20th

Malignant! That is what they tell us. What type of cancer? We will have to wait. The words we anticipated after a week of test that were being scheduled rapidly and with urgency. There was the intense need to find out what this mass was in Robert's chest. Still - barely enough time has passed since we first heard the words - "We found something" - "A mass in your chest" and we are still dealing with the shock of the possibility of a secondary diagnosis of cancer, much less the reality that the mass is malignant. The recurrence of brain tumors was not shocking. The mass in the chest was shocking. Both at the same time is shocking. Everything just got ten times more complicated.

It is as if Robert's body is fighting against him. More cancer, cognitive functioning that is disrupted from brain tumors, and constant fatigue even before new treatments have begun. He remains strong, but how much can one person take? He tries to stay focused on what he has to do to fight the cancers. We stay committed to lift each others spirits when necessary and to refocus each other when times seem overwhelming.

Oct. 15, 2007 - it was if someone stuck a sword through my chest with the diagnosis of a glioblastoma multiforme grade IV. I pulled the sword out and over time the puncture began to heal. April 8, 2009 - is was if someone stuck a knife in my heart with the official diagnosis of a recurrence of brain tumors. There was no time to pull the knife out before the news of a mass in the chest was presented. The knife has been pulled out, but I am not sure if these wounds will ever heal. At he very minimum, the scares will be felt for a lifetime. My heart aches for all of us. Our family had already changed after the initial diagnosis, but this new stretch of the journey may have the greatest impact on our family. I hope that we can find the lesson to be learned in this deep pain. I hope that we can stay open to the belief that everything happens for a reason and if we are open to the entire experience - we will all be stronger for it.

We are sad. The kind of sad that no one would ever wish to experience. The kind of sad that hurts. The kind of sad that can make you feel physically sick. The kind of sad that changes your perspective of everything - yourself, your relationships to others, your purpose on this earth , and the importance of finding the truly important things in life. The news is devastating and it is as if the 'bump in the road' just became a mountain. We are ready to climb the mountain and will do whatever we have to do, we will go wherever we have to go, and will work with who ever we need too. We are together and will fight together with all of the support that is offered.

There are those that support us and we are incredible grateful to so many people. We are truly living day by day right now and are thankful to those who take care of our boys without any prior notice. We are thankful to those who take our boys to try and keep their schedules as normal as possible. We are thankful to those who look after our boys to give us time to do what needs to be done. They are taking care of our most precious gifts. We are thankful to those who send us messages of hope and words of encouragement. We are thankful to those who send us positive thoughts and prayers. They are keeping us moving forward. We are thankful to the friends who support us in our efforts to raise awareness and fundraising efforts. They are making a difference! We are thankful for the medical teams who have and will work to determine the best treatment options. They give us hope. Thank you!