July 11th

I know that I just posted two days ago and it was long winded- but- I had to post again tonight for two reasons. First- I have so many thoughts scrambling in my head and writing often helps me to organize and clarify them for myself. Secondly- I often have this sense of stress come over me when certain incidences happen, because it reminds me of the amazing support that have surrounding us. The support is not the stressful part- that is indeed the most wonderful gift. The stress is the fact that we can never seem to truly reach out to and express our gratitude quickly and articulately enough to impress upon others the positive impact that they have had on our lives.

OK- Here I go. I will try to remain brief. Tonight we watched episode 1 & 3 of the new TV series- Hopkins. Robert found it interesting from a scientific perspective and was able to watch it with little emotional impact. I viewed it more from an emotional perspective and found it difficult to watch, at least initially. Maybe because it brought back the raw emotion of our experiences at Hopkins, maybe because we got the 'undesirable' diagnosis while we watched others get a 'positive' diagnosis, or maybe because it was a reminder that we are still fighting. As my intelligent husband reminded me- he is doing well. He feels good and definitely looks good too.

One thing was and is always clear- We will be forever grateful to so many and will be spending time trying to share our feelings. Tonight, as we watched the show, we were reminded of the dedicated doctors, nurses, social workers, and staff who dedicate themselves to their jobs. We feel fortunate to be working with the 'best' of the 'best'. They make sacrifices every day to help families like us. They have taken care of Robert and me as well. I ponder how it is possible to thank someone for tirelessly taking care of others physically & emotionally (before/during/after diagnosis) and continuing to research to keep improving treatments. They are the most disciplined and selfless people and we are thankful that they are intelligent enough, empathetic enough, and dedicated enough to do such good in the world. I hope that a 'thank you' can never come to late as we now feel that we are at a point in time when we can try and express our sentiments.

A neurosurgeon said it well on the show tonight- He commented that he believes those patients who have a large support network do better then those that do not. So if I haven't articulated it well enough- let me say it like this- THANK YOU! Robert will go for his next MRI scan on Wed. 7/16. We will meet with the doctor to review the results on Mon 7/21. Since I have gotten better at asking- I will ask for your prayers and good wishes for a good report.

July 9th

We are back from GA and really enjoyed our time with everyone. It felt good to get away, spend time with family, and to do what was so typical and normal before we embarked on the medical journey that we have been facing. We were able to appreciate the fact that we were able to go. We were able to appreciate the fact that we were doing what had become routine - before the diagnosis. We were relaxing and spending time with each other without feeling the constant pressures of life.

The flight was a unique experience for each of us. Bryce was fearful and adamant that he was not getting on the plane. Trey was excited and truly viewing it with amazement. Robert and I were anxious to get everyone on the plane and keep them occupied and content. In the end- all went extremely well and it was an enjoyable experience for everyone. Let's just say- the flight attendant saw that Bryce was upset and sent the boys and I directly to the cockpit. The boys got to sit in the pilots and co-pilot's seats and were given extra special attention that put them at ease and had us all very excited. Once I realized that I did not have the camera - Robert did - The pilot got on the microphone and said, "Robert Kinberg please bring the camera to the cockpit." Imagine this- Robert has two car seats on the plane, some carry on bags, and has to move against the traffic of passengers still boarding to get to us in the cockpit. He did it and I have pictures that capture the excitement in the cockpit. These are the memories that we will treasure always.

I will draw upon this experience often as it is in some way an analogy for life. There are things that we are all fearful of and yet we can overcome them. Bryce trusted in us to be there for him (affirm his fear), to teach him (Robert talked him through what was happening), and protect him - and was able to enjoy the flight and even look forward to doing it again. Sometimes the inexperience and the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming and fearful. However, having people around us - to affirm that our feelings and fears are valid, to guide us, and to support us allows us to get through the dark and scary times knowing that we will be more experienced and stronger because of it. The willingness of strangers to reach out and help confirms that we need to extend ourselves/accept help and learn from others. The flight attendant and pilots taking time out to help the boys is equivalent to the number of strangers that have reached out to us and have given us reason to smile. And even if flying is not our favorite thing to do or our first choice of transportation - doing it and understanding that the experience opens us up to seeing the big beautiful world and the many places and cultures that we would not have seen if we had not overcome the fear - is worth it and is the power that keeps us flying again. This diagnosis is not what we would have chosen - but we must believe that this experience and all of the emotions that are encompassed in it- will open our hearts and eyes to feel and see things in ways that are unique and powerful. I believe that if we do not give in to the stress of the immediate situation and keep our eyes on the big picture, we will be stronger and better for it. Once the boys were relaxed and in the air, I had a huge sense of relief for them and told them that the world is now theirs and they can explore it.

June 29th

Robert has completed his sixth and final round of chemo since completing his his initial six weeks of radiation and chemo after surgery. He was extremely tired and a bit nauseated with this cycle. He has been trying to get some extra rest and regain some energy. We will have the next MRI scan approximately one month after this round of treatment. The date has not been determined.

Summer is in full swing and it seems that everyone is on vacation or getting ready for a vacation. We will be leaving for Georgia on Tuesday and are looking forward to being away and spending time with everyone there. This has been a time of reflection for me and I am so thankful for the way that Robert has tolerated treatments and the positive reports that we have received after each MRI. I continue to try and take each day by day. Sometimes it seems overwhelming and we have to make a conscious effort to remind ourselves that relatively speaking - we are doing very well.

We have each other and we have so much to be thankful for. We are surrounded by so many people who care for us and continue to send us good wishes and for that we are forever grateful.

June 19th

I sit here and am unsure about what to post because this week has been good and there is no new medical news to report. As I wrote in the last post, Robert will take his sixth and final round of chemo treatments beginning this Sunday. Funny story- Each month it has been a process to get the chemo and anti-nausea medications. The oncologist office has to fax the order to the pharmacy and the pharmacy has to schedule the delivery with us... This process tends to take 2-3 days. The medications come via FedEx and must be signed for by an adult in the house. Of course- this morning the FedEx man comes while I am in the shower. Bryce came in and yelled, "He's here." I sent Bryce to yell through the window that I was coming and ask him not to leave. Let's just say- he waited and had a serious look on his face as I thanked him over and over again. I'm shocked that he didn't either laugh or run from me as I opened the door with a soaked head and no make-up on. I told Robert that I have a new relationship with the FedEx guy.
We hope that everyone has a great weekend.

June 13th

Time keeps passing, usually faster then we can believe. Bryce will go to Sport Camp next week, Trey is in his 'Big Boy' bed and room, and Robert will be taking another round of chemo a week from Sunday. Round number six since he completed the initial phase of radiation and chemo combination. Some days it feels like only yesterday Robert and I were in the ER and then I remember that it has been almost 8 months. We are thankful to be in a good place now and ready to keep moving forward with our lives. Robert is feeling well and is ready to move off of the chemo treatments.

Earlier this month I got to meet a GBM survivor of 17 years. Obviously, this was an emotional and inspirational encounter and it gives us all hope for our futures. I sat in the room with many other newly diagnosed patients and family members and was happy to report that we were 7 months out and doing well. The educational meetings always begins with quick introductions. People typically tell if they are the patient or caregiver. I explained that my husband was diagnosed with a GBM in Oct. and that I am there 'alone' because he is working. I further have explain that I do not consider myself his caregiver, as he is often the one taking care of us. My heart went out to everyone there as I have felt the pain that they are now experiencing. We pray for all patients, their families, and most importantly for a cure. Happy Father's Day to all of the Dads.

June 7th

We are attempting to beat the heat wave that has hit today and is likely to last for five days. Despite the heat, t-ball went on as scheduled and the day will proceed with more time spent inside then outside. Robert is feeling well and is running errands and doing chores around the house. There are moments when this seems 'normal' and then the realization hits that we have gone through phases when Robert was not physically able to do these tasks. We are reminded that our sense of what is normal has been in frequent transition. We become so accustomed to our daily lives that we often take for granted the beauty in our ability to perform the mundane chores of our daily lives. We are thankful that we are physically capable to complete these tasks. Each and every day will not be filled with the overly exciting activities and events, but that does not mean that we can't value the time. We continue to wish for 'just boring." Thanks for all of your good wishes.

June 2nd

We have experienced the kind spirits of so many people and continue to be so grateful for everything. There are times when things seem effortless and times when things seem insurmountable. We are thankful for the days that flow effortlessly and are learning to work through the moments that seem insurmountable. Robert and I feel blessed for the prayers that give us strength. We are so blessed and have so much to be grateful for. There are so many people suffering and fighting - with the strength that we get from you - we pray for those that are in difficult times. Our hearts ache for those that are struggling. We have to keep believing that everything happens for a reason - even if we can not understand it now.

Robert is feeling well this week despite his 5th round of chemo. Tomorrow I will hug my children - kiss my husband - and take a moment to recognize all of the wonderful family, friends, and supporters that we have in our lives.