Robert Kinberg

Feb 17th

2010-02-17T13:23:00.002-05:00

The weather this season has been rare, unpredictable, and has brought with it diverse emotions. Calming & beautiful- when first falling and when it is untouched. Fierce & harsh- during the blizzard conditions. Frustrating and despised- when it has to be removed. Fun- when it is used to create tunnels, climbing mountains, and the prefect sledding routes. Some of the emotions overlap and we find ourselves able to respect the conditions, but unwilling to be in the snow. We appreciate the natural wonders that come from such an amazing weather event, but are ready to move on. There are the days/moments in which we are content and the moments in which we want everything to change and the snow to disappear immediately. Obviously- much related to the storms and the snow are beyond our control. The snow comes and the amounts collected on the ground are beyond our control. The attitude that we chose to deal with the conditions that we find ourselves in, is within our control. We either chose to see the beauty in the vast amounts of white hills that lay in front of us and play in it or we resent the logistical challenges that this amount of snow brings with it and are blinded to the beauty and the positive aspects of being in our homes with the people that we love and being able to spend quality time with them. Not having to go anywhere - because we can't.
Excuse my deep and ultra-emotional thoughts about 'weather'. It is just that the blizzard brings with it diverse emotions - just as our journey has brought to us. I find I still work to understand and comprehend what has happened and to find the the strength to recognize and deal with the things that we can control and recognize and release the things that are beyond our control. Robert was our leader in being able to do just that and he taught us so much. Everyday is finding the balance between dealing with the things that have happened and recognizing the many things that we have learned and are grateful for.
I do want to say that we are grateful for the people who take us in and make us feel so welcome and for the people who ban together to clear our street and our driveway - even when we are not home. There is "power in the People" and this is a part of the storm that I will remember most.

Jan. 30th

2010-01-30T16:53:00.002-05:00

I think about writing all of the time and yet there never seems to be the 'right' time, enough time, or enough energy when there is time. These are issues that are not new to any person, but they do seem to be more prevalent and more difficult to work through then before. Everything seems harder, everything takes longer, and everything has new meaning. So here I am today - alone and with time to write and it is hard to know what to write. I want everyone to know that we are doing well - considering. We continue to move forward. Some days we move more rapidly & freely and some days we move more slowly trying to carry the weight of everything that has happened & the loss of not having Robert here.
It has been six months and its does not feel like it has been six months. That is probably because it is still hard to believe that any of this has happened. It seems unreal - it seems impossible and I don't want the reality to catch up with me - as I do not know how I will be able to handle it.
I hold on to what I do know. I know that our love was real- our family was strong- and our love will live in our hearts.
I believe that this is what will get us through the moments that feel impossible. I also know that we will have people who surround us - who will support us. The boys and I are forever grateful for the time with Robert and his presence can be felt - even today.

Jan.3rd

2010-01-03T20:22:00.002-05:00

We have celebrated holidays, birthdays, New Year's, all within a month & a few days and it has been a celebration with a heaviness that hangs over us. Happiness and sadness both at the same time. Joy for the memories of these occasions with Robert, joy for the gift of experiencing the celebrations through the eyes of the children, and joy for the gifts that we receive in being surrounded by so many people who care.

I hope that everyone finds peace and happiness in all of their experiences- always.

Dec. 20th

2009-12-20T17:18:00.002-05:00

I don't know why I have not written. Perhaps it has been to emotionally difficult to think about it - to write about it. Perhaps it was that I didn't want to sound negative. Or - maybe a lack of energy has prevented me from posting.
So here is what I know- Everything seems more difficult and takes longer then it used too, but I have always found the blog to be a therapeutic process and like the idea that others found it useful in being able to stay updated.
It would be impossible to not express some sadness/negativity when posting (sometimes) as we have experienced a great loss.
The lack of energy that I feel is both physical and emotional. There is much stress and there are moments that seem paralyzing. We always get up, it is just after taking time to reflect & re-energize.
Everything that we have been through - diagnosis, treatments, and lose - seems incomprehensible, unimaginable, and unreal. There is no other way to describe what has happened and how we feel about it. We miss Robert all day everyday.
However- we are doing well. We are still surrounded by so many who give to us in every possible way. We carry the good wishes and positive thoughts with us always and are uplifted by the kindness of others.
The boys are doing remarkably well and are my biggest motivators. They are wonderful in their ability to process and deal with reality and live in the moment. They are sensitive, open and honest and I learn from them. They have great memories of Robert and talk about him often.
I could write forever, but I just want to wish everyone a Happy & Healthy Holiday.
Building memories is a blessing - Having memories is a gift.

Aug. 9th

2009-08-09T20:00:00.002-04:00

It feels surreal- everything seems surreal. The fact that Robert is no longer physically with us seems unbelievable. It seems impossible and yet I was there through it all. I watched it happen and yet - I can not seem to comprehend it. This phase of the journey is more difficult then I could have imagined. We spend our days trying to function without Robert and it seems wrong. There are no words to express what we are feeling and experiencing.
We are working to get through the darkness and find physical and emotional peace. We are so grateful for the immense amount of support that we have received and know that this is critical to our healing. I will pick myself up. I will properly thank others and find ways to give back. For now - I ask for your patience - during this most difficult time. Love to all - Tammy, Bryce, & Trey

July 24

2009-07-24T08:30:00.002-04:00

This morning I sit here and try and mentally prepare myself for the funeral that will take place this afternoon. I know that here is really no possible way to do this and yet I as I always do- want it to be done well. Done well for Robert. The love of my life. The father that loved and took such good care of his boys. The son who was so attentive and loving to his parents and the brother who always enjoyed being with his brother and sister. The friend who was so loyal and considerate. A good guy.
I sit and listen to the music that we have listened to so many times and it now has a new meaning. The music has changed and it is still powerful. We will all hear the music again and find peace. I believe that Robert has found his peace and I know that he will help us to find peace through the lessons that he taught us.
We miss him deeply.
I wanted everyone to know that we will carry your energy with us today. For those who are not physically with us today- know that your thoughts and good wishes are being felt and we are thankful to have you in our lives. The memorial service will be a time to celebrate Robert and the "power of the people". Love to all.

July 21st

2009-07-21T16:46:00.002-04:00

Today is the saddest day of our journey and I cannot seem to find the words to tell why. There seems no other way to say it. Robert died early this morning and our hearts are filled with grief and also with some sense of relief that he has now found peace. I know that he is peaceful and believe that we too will find peace again. For all those who loved Robert - there will forever be a place in our hearts that he lives in. He lived well, we had fun, and we are blessed to have had him in our lives for as long as we did.
I thank you again for your support that has helped to carry us through this journey. I thank you for your continued support as we strive to find our path through the next phase of this journey. There are so many supporters and it is impossible to reach out to individuals to express our gratitude. Please allow me to say a global thank you through this blog that Robert created to stay connected to you. We are blessed to have you.
Considering Robert's wishes and the large number of family, friends, and supporters it seems logistically challenging to accommodate so many for the funeral service. Therefore, we will have a private graveside service for immediate family members only. In the near future - we will hold a memorial service open to the extended number of friends. Until then - we feel your love and support and will hold it close in our hearts. With Love- Tammy

July 20th

2009-07-20T12:07:00.002-04:00

It seems odd, but I am not sure how long robert has been at Gilchrist. The days, hours, and minutes seem to pass without recognition of where we are in time. There seems to be less focus on the global concepts of time and a greater focus on the moments in which we find ourselves in. Planning ahead - even hours ahead seems impossible. Without the initiative that others take - it would be impossible.
While the days seem to blend together, there are certain dates that stick in my mind - as they were moments that we knew signified dramatic changes that would forever change all of our lives. The exact changes and the timing of the changes could not be imagined or determined and I now believe that there is a reason for that. There are so many phases that we pass through during this journey and each one brings about its own set of emotions, challenges, and perspectives, and most importantly lessons. If anyone had to try and experience, face, deal with, and process everything that happens over time it would be an overwhelming emotion and sense of loss - that it would knock them down to the ground and keep them down. I believe that we are created with defense mechanisms that only allow us to process and take on as much as we can handle. There is a reason why - when given the diagnosis of Glioblastoma Multiforme Gr. 4 no one tells you what will happen. Now it is happening and I hate what is happening and I am powerless to control it. I am not so self-absorbed to even presume that I should be able to control what is happening to Robert. I believe that it is in God's hands and pray that Robert will find peace and comfort during this next phase of the journey. Trey said it today and I was surprised to hear such a mature and insightful comment spoken by such a young child - "It is nobody's fault." I hope that I can maintain faith throughout this journey that I will travel through for the rest of my life. I hope for everyone to stay focused on the positive thoughts and memories and not to expend energy on the questions of why and the unfairness of the situation. We must try and maintain a positive attitude and uplifted spirit to assist us in finding peace and, courage, and to find the positive lessons to be learned. We love Robert and I know that this would be his message to us. Thanks to all for you support that reminds us each and every day that we are not alone.

2009-07-18T22:04:00.001-04:00

The Kinberg family has been deeply touched and continues to appreciate the love and support they have received. The many acts of kindness and good deeds have changed their lives forever. A number of people who have been following Robert’s condition have asked how they can support the family to offset existing and anticipated expenses. I wanted to let you know that Robert’s parents, Betty and Elliot, have set up an account for this purpose. If you would like to contribute, checks will be accepted in Elliot’s name to the following address – 6125 Harbour Overlook, Alpharetta, GA 30005. Contact phone number is 770-751 3813. Anyone who has a current Pay Pal account may send a donation directly to Elliot’s email at ekinberg@bellsouth.net. Please know that the family is thankful for the good wishes, prayers, and positive energy that have been showered upon them and nothing else is expected.

Sincerely,

Neil Weinstein(Cousin of Robert)

July 15th

2009-07-15T22:29:00.002-04:00

It is hard to know what to say about what is happening. Robert remains at Gilchrist Hospice Center and that is telling- in and of itself. He went there for symptom management and now the symptom management continues for different reasons. Robert's health has changed dramatically in the two weeks that he has been there. I can not express the details tonight as today has been a very emotional day. The staff at the hospice are doing their best to keep Robert comfortable and pain free. It is obvious - even without test - that the diseases are progressing. Robert still recognizes us and we are thankful for the moments of connectedness that we capture. He is a fighter and our superhero. We pray for peace and comfort. We pray for the people who care for Robert to find the ability to continue to care for those that are so ill and often unable to express their wants and needs. We pray that everyone who supports us will know how powerful their good thoughts and good deeds have been in helping us to find white light during a time of darkness.

July 5th

2009-07-06T21:17:00.003-04:00

Today is not July 5th - but I wrote this yesterday so I will post it today. It is July 5th - I have to think about it, but I know because it is our 12th year wedding anniversary. It is surreal. 12 years gone so quickly & yet spent so well. 12 years of love, fun, & good fortune. 12 years of good jobs, traveling, buying a house, & making it our home. 12 years of planning for & having children. Having our boys - the best decision we ever made. The greatest creations we could have ever been blessed with. Robert and I watch/listen (to) them with awe, spend time with them in amazement of their character, and love them with the deepest emotions possible.

Robert is still at Gilchrist Hospice Center. It is difficult to describe/explain how he is doing and I would have to explain hour by hour. We will treasure the joyous moments and work through the difficult moments. I celebrated today as any other really - Soaking in the precious moments and rationalizing the difficult circumstances that we find ourselves in - remembering the great memories and recognizing that we have little control over much of what happens. This is true for all of us. It is just that this lesson has been highlighted for us during our journey through this illness. May we all celebrate LIFE.

July 2nd

2009-07-02T22:05:00.002-04:00

I wish that I knew what to report. What I do know is that we can not predict when Robert will come home and we will take it day by day. Medications are still being adjusted and Robert is being well taken care of. We are trying to find a balance of being here and there. I know that we made the right decision to go there and yet is seems that in some ways we don't belong there. It is the timing that I struggle to make sense of. We were going to Hopkins for treatment on a Thursday and went into the Hospice Center on Fri. There is no explanation for any of this - so I don't know why I would expect to have any understanding of the progression of Robert's illness. I am not focused on this all of the time. If anything this experience has taught us that it is the quality of time that matters over everything else. The Hospice Center has a beautiful garden and fish pond and we are thankful for the beautiful setting. It is difficult not all being together all of the time - but we know that we have to make decisions that are best for all of us - even when they are difficult. Our focus must be on the moments together - regardless of the setting. The highlights of the day were - All of us laughing together, Robert kissing us and telling us that he loves us. These are the events that we must hold in our hearts and that will help us to stand strong in the moments of despair. As always we thank you all for support that keeps our spirits high.

June 29th

2009-06-29T23:01:00.002-04:00

It is difficult to describe what is happening anymore. My focus is not what is happening or why it is happenig - but HOW it is happening. Robert continues to struggle with the symptoms related to brain tumors. The details are not as important as the impact that it has on Robert and all of those who love him. Each day seems to bring increased and new challenges that force us to find strength from deep within to confront and handle. Honestly - I hate what is happening and there seems to be little we can do to stop it. Our attention now is on regulating medications to help Robert to feel better. We are currently staying at the Gilchrist Inpatient Center (Hospice)to work with the doctors to find the right types & dosages of medications to help Robert. We have been here since late Friday night and will hopefully be home within a couple of days. Our attention will be on the moments of peace and happiness that come from being together. I reread what I have just written and it sounds negative, but know that we always hold love in our hearts and hope in our souls. It is with the support of you that we feel the possibilities of positive energy at work.

June 24th

2009-06-24T22:22:00.003-04:00

It is difficult to know what to write anymore. So much seems to happen within each day and it is difficult to find the time to do anything else unrelated to taking care of each other. I made a comment the other day, "Today is a good day" and then I realized that this is not necessarily a complete truth or perhaps we often think of this statement incorrectly. It is not the day that determines whether a day is 'good' or 'bad'. It is not as if we know that Fridays will be 'good' just because of the fact that it is Friday. Isn't the day good just because of the fact that is has arrived? Isn't it our perspective of the day that determines whether it is 'good' or not? We all know that events of the day- make some days feel better and easier then others. We can not deny that some moments have more powerful emotions of comfort or discomfort and it is undeniable that we will feel the effects of different events differently. What I am trying to comprehend and focus on is that - the days that seem 'bad' hold powerful lessons that we must use to help us to appreciate the 'good' moments that happen later - even within the same day. No day is full of 'good' or 'bad'.
Robert is well under the circumstances and it is difficult to explain the changes that occur when suffering from brain tumors, lymphoma, and the effects of medications and treatments. The difference is this - It is one thing to know that you have brain cancer - It is another thing to see it happen - and now we are seeing it happen. Robert is determined, stubborn, and decisive in his fight to complete this week of brain radiation. Chest radiation was complete last week. Last week we had to stop the oral chemo and were unable to get the avastin due to results of his blood labs. We hope to continue with avastin again next week. Effects of the diseases that he is battling are making things more challenging. We work to continue to focus on the fact that we will do many of the same things that we have done - but in a different way and with tools to help us. We have added new support people to our team and know that they will take over responsibility with some tasks to free us to focus on being together.
We continue to be thankful for the many people in our lives who think of us. We could not even begin to describe the feelings that we experience when being helped by so many people in so many ways. Please know that our appreciation is present and we may not be able to communicate it directly right now - but we hold it within our hearts.

June 17th

2009-06-17T14:24:00.003-04:00

I realize that it has been some time since my last posting and that is only because some days seem to pass with the inability to do everything that seems should be possible. It is not that we are oblivious to the world around us, it is that we are unable to keep up with the world around us. Our focus is taking care of ourselves and trying to maintain energy to fight the fight. I often describe myself as a cartoon character the is 'moving but not going anywhere'. Nothing seems possible these days without the help that we have received from friends & family that have jumped in to do everything from cooking, cleaning, supervising the boys, and spending time with Robert and I to relieve us- to rest and try and catch our breath. We are grateful for the friends who will travel to visit. The friends & family who plan for experiences - for our family- to help us find fun in the days and to build memories to last a lifetime. The friends who organize and execute plans to hold fundraisers to help to find better treatments and a cure for brain cancer. Our awareness of the people who care for us is not lost and we are incredibly grateful to be cared for in ways that make us all appreciative of each other and the relationships that we have.
There are many positive factors involved in this most difficult set of circumstances. Robert will have completed two weeks of brain radiation after tomorrow and the side effects from treatment appear to be less severe then we had imagined. Robert has good days and bad days and it is difficult to determine what causes the bad days/moments. I am convinced that it is a combination of factors that impact his well- being. The harsh radiation, the multiple medications, and the effects of tumors? Robert is well under the circumstances and he is the most couragous person I know.
We are focusd on each day as it arrives and recognize the importance of grabbing onto the moments of simple pleasures, moments of connectedness, and moments of interaction. A smile, a laugh, a roll of the eyes, a kiss, a hug holding hand, and lying together communicate more then any words. We are grateful for opportunities.
The boys are remarkable and Robert and I are amazed by them everyday. They handle the changes with a courage that is hard to imagine is possible from children who are so young and developmentally (apparently) self-centered. I know that they are scared and we can not take that away. We talk often about what is happening and they accept it without frustration, anger, or resentment. They love - just to love. I am sad for what has changed, but we work to do the same things in a different way. They drive me to find the -new new normal- and we all benefit from it. We have much to learn from children.
Thanks!

June 7th

2009-06-07T17:03:00.002-04:00

Robert has had a good weekend and we took time to play card games and video games with the boys. Those moments when we are all awake at the same time, together, and able to have interaction are the most precious moments for all for us. It is difficult to comprehend the many changes that have occurred over the last two months and we are doing our best to focus on the moments that happen now - instead of looking back at what has changed and is missing.
The moments when we hear words of encouragement, the moments that we are given hugs, the moments that we read notes of hope, and the moments that we are allowed to share our story give us strength to deal with the pain. The moments that the boys are being entertained and loved, gives us time to sort through and deal with the logistics. Knowing that so many people care has given us the ability stay energized when we felt that there was no possible way to find energy to keep moving forward. We carry all of the good wishes and positive energy with us and each time we go to the hospital we are honored to have you traveling with us. We know that we are not alone and it is comforting. Thank you.

June 4th

2009-06-04T20:13:00.003-04:00

I sit to write and it seems impossible to know what to say and how to say it. So much has happened over the last two months and our heads and our hearts are spinning. We do our best to get through the long days at the hospital and have energy to get up and do it again the next day. We fight for the energy to play with our boys in the evenings and weekends and are thankful for the many people who help in caring for Bryce and Trey. Forgive us for not responding to your thoughtful notes, comments, e-mails and phone calls. We are so incredibly grateful to know that we are supported by so many and desperately want to thank everyone for the acts of kindness that have been shared with us.
The medical aspects of Robert's diseases are so complex and challenging that is is to much to write about. My emotions are heavy and it is to difficult to describe the details. Robert is very brave and we are doing everything to work through the physical changes and the emotional battles that we are confronted with. Love to all!

May 29th

2009-05-29T14:42:00.002-04:00

It does not happen often but I have posted two days in a row. This is because last night I wanted to update quickly about the medical aspect of the situation. Today the focus is both the medical/logistical & emotional aspects of the situation that are grabbing at my head and my heart. Today we have been home most of the day and it is better to be home and yet it is still difficult to relax. Things have changed and are getting harder each day. So much has happened and is happening everyday. I don't mean to sound negative, but it is getting harder to find the positive lessons that come from this horrible disease and the impact that it has on our family. Robert seems lost and I fear that we will lose him. Everything is uncertain and I feel sadness for all of us.
Not all cancers are created equal. I do not mean to take away the devastation and fear that comes with anyone's cancer diagnosis and I wish that no one would ever have to be given the diagnosis. I can only speak from our experience and tell you that brain cancer is a brutal and unforgiving cancer that takes away many abilities of the patient and the family. It is aggressive and relentless in its power to grow and spread rapidly. The comfort of learning that it rarely metastasizes is now over-ridden by the first hand discovery that brain cancer does interfere with patients functioning and independence. If I have anger - I will direct it at the cancers that are fighting against Robert's body.
We will have to continue to work to find another 'new normal' and I know that it is critical in finding peace with the circumstances. Please pray for all of us as we continue to find the strength to fight, thrive, and find peace.

May 28th

2009-05-28T21:38:00.002-04:00

This week was more then difficult. Robert had a seizure on Monday and it was an experience that I wish no one would ever have to witness. I can not speak of it to much as it is to raw and I am overwhelmed by emotions when thinking of the moment. We were given information that Robert was hemorrhaging in the brain and it was a devastating complication. We were distraught thinking that we were losing Robert and I can not explain the fear related to this report. After being air lifted to Hopkins we were told that he most likely had not bleed and the MRI done on the following day confirmed this to be true. We will take the bits of really good news and hold on to them as we fight through the most challenging moments. Robert spent one nite in the intensive care unit and Tuesday night on the recovery floor. We were discharged last night and returned today for three appointments including radiation to the chest and a ritukan drip to treat the lymphoma.
We still have so many unanswered question and are trying to push forward. Thanks to everyone for the good wishes.

May 21st

2009-05-21T14:41:00.003-04:00

We just got home from the hospital were Robert got his second round of Ritukan to treat the lymphoma. It went well and he was able to maintain a scheduled increase of the medication over time without any reaction. The IV drip took about three hours and we were away from home for only five hours total. This was much better then last weeks session which lasted about 6 1/2 hours. Having to go the the chemo treatment area of the hospital adds a new dynamic to the medical experience.
We met with the neuro-oncologist on Monday and the conversation was extensive and involved. So much was discussed and it is probably not necessary to provide every detail, but this is the information and proposed course of treatment. The MRI showed some improvement in the size of the brain tumors and this is remarkable since he has only received one dose of avastin and it is a drug that is primarily given to reduce inflammation - not shrink tumor. He bad news is that they have found a brain bleed. They think that is was caused from the brain biopsy and not the avastin. This is important because avastin can cause hemorrhaging even if not common. We will have a CAT scan next week to determine if it is growing and then determine if we can proceed with the avastin. Please pray for the 'go ahead' to get the avastin - it is important when receiving radiation. Hopefully avastin will be given next week and the radiation and oral chemo will be administered the week behind that.
We continue to be thankful for the many, many people who give of themselves to give to us.

May 17th

2009-05-17T14:46:00.002-04:00

I have attempted to send Thank you letters to all of those who donated to the Race For Hope - DC and always fear that I am missing someone. I will post the Thank you letter here for anyone who may have been innocently skipped. Please know that we are thankful to everyone.
Robert, Tammy, Bryce, & Trey

It has been two weeks since we completed the Race For Hope- DC and it is still a strong inspirational and emotional moment that will stay with us always. Our team came together in the rain and we walked the 3.2 miles together. The experience gives us hope and an appreciation for the moment in time that we are able to be there together.

Your donations give us hope that better treatments and a cure will be developed through the research that will now happen. Your act of donating gives us emotional support that keeps our spirits lifted and keeps us better able to fight. Your constant good wishes give us a sense of peace that we are cared for. We are happy to have you in our lives. Thank you.

Robert, Tammy, Bryce, & Trey Kinberg

May 16th

2009-05-16T16:45:00.003-04:00

It seems as if it has been weeks since our last post because so much has happened this week. This was a busy week for us in terms of the number of appointments that we had at the hospital. Mon. we met with the hemo-oncologist, Tue. we met with the radiologist and had a radiology simulation to prepare for radiation treatments, Wed. we got the avastin -IV medication to treat the brain, & Thur. we got the ritukan -IV medication to treat the lymphoma. On Thur. we left the house at 7:30AM and returned at 6:00PM. The days have been long and emotionally draining. The conversations held with doctors this week took a different tone then even before. It is both comforting and heart wrenching to see the caring/sorrow in the doctors eyes as they have to relay the difficult diagnosis and etc. The compassion that they have for us is incredible and yet it is their actions, body language, and voices that tell us more then the actual words that they speak. They still never give up hope and that is all that we can ask for.
I have been struggling with my current inability to keep up with almost everything. Our new job is fighting these cancers and it leaves little time to talk to almost everyone other then our doctors. This would be difficult enough, but there have been so many people who have given so much to us and I desperately want to thank each and every person. I wish I could speak to all of you and want you to know how grateful we are for all of the thoughtful gifts and good wishes that we have received. This blog will have to serve as our primary source of communication for now. Please know that we carry the your spirits with us as we travel through this difficult journey. Thanks for the gifts cards, surprise visits, gift baskets, e-mails, cards, holy water, prayers, and good energy.

May 11th

2009-05-11T10:00:00.010-04:00

This weekend brought a much needed break from the hospital appointments. We were distracted by the love that was showered upon us by family and friends. People came together in ways that impress upon us how much we are being cared for. We had people help us with cleaning, yard work, entertaining the boys, grocery shopping, and pampering my soul. We receive cards, letters, and gifts that are creative & supportive, and truly keep us encouraged.
Having family here gave us a chance to sit and be together. Having family and friends come to Bryce's baseball games and cheer him on - cheers me up as well. It is difficult when Robert can not come and I feel saddened that they are not playing together. It is different - Robert was the one who coached Bryce, taught him, and stood in the field with him. Now it is mommy on the sidelines and the cheerleaders who come to support him and encourage him to keep playing. Bryce is playing and we are all excited to see it.
We had neighbors pull together and come to our rescue. They did a complete landscaping overhaul and a garage makeover. We don't even recognize our yard and it is beautiful. The garage looks amazing and is extremely functional. The beauty lays not only in the yard/garage, but in the hearts of those that came to work so hard for us. There is no way to express the overwhelming emotion that comes from seeing so many people (adults and children) come together to help us. We feel surrounded by supported and our hearts are uplifted. The spirit that drove so many to work so hard for us gives us a sense of encouragement to keep moving forward in a positive light. Each and every time we go outside or in & out of the garage, we are reminded of the support that we are being given by friends who are selfless in their acts of kindness. Thank you.
I apologize for the change in tone that the next set of paragraphs will take. The above paragraphs were written on Mon and now it is Tue. Things change daily and our emotions are running along with the frequent reports and conversations that we have with the doctors. Here is what we know- Robert can not be give the typical treatment for lymphoma (intense chemotherapy) as it will interfere with the treatment of the brain. The goal is to keep the chest tumor stable. He will receive radiation and an IV medication once a week.
Treatment for the brain will have to be aggressive as the tumors ar widespread in the brain. We will most likely have radiation with chemo (temodar- what he took before) and avastin before-during-after radiation. Basically- radiation on the chest and brain simultaneously for 4-5 weeks, one IV medication every other week and two IV medication on the alternate weeks, and oral chemo pills. It is difficult to provide all of the details about possible treatment options. This is what is important-this is an aggressive and atypical form of treatment, but Robert is Brave and wants to Fight hard. This will be our toughest fight and we know that we are not alone in this fight. We are carried by friends and family that will be with us - to help us.
After yesterdays appointments and phone conversations with our oncologists and radiologist, I could not find the good news in the bad news. I was struggling to find the positive aspect. Late last night I did realize this - Our doctors have not given up hope and We have not given up hope.
We have love and no disease can take that away. Love is our diagnosis!

May 7th

2009-05-07T16:57:00.002-04:00

News came today and yet the treatment plan is undetermined. Robert has been diagnosed with lymphoma in the chest. We will speak with the hematologist (oncologist) on Monday and learn more about the specifics of the type of lymphoma. We know that it is a form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma (B cell) and I will not even attempt to understand more then that until speaking with the doctor.
Other news came on Tuesday and it was confusing and surprising. The brain biopsy results came back negative for both lymphoma and giloblastoma. The doctors are again puzzled as it seems that each test presents us with confusing results and even more questions. Additional brain sample from the biopsy will be cut, stained, and resent for testing. This means another week of waiting for results - knowing that there is the possibility that they may not be able to determine the exact cause of Robert's cognitive disruption. We have to hope that they will be able to make a determination of what is in the brain and will be able to begin treatment immediately following. Please pray for the doctors to find answers so that we can begin treatment soon.
Please know that we are incredible humbled by the good wishes and heartfelt messages of support that keep coming. In spite of everything that is happening - there is a sense that we are being taken care of by so many and that is power.

May 4th

2009-05-04T15:14:00.003-04:00

I had to look up the date for the second time today. It is a reflection of the fact that time moves at a different rate and some times stands still in the Kinberg household. It is as if days pass and the date and time are not relevant because everything revolves around doctors appointments, test that are scheduled, test results that are pending and dealing with the physical & emotional struggle that comes with this type of medical situation. Living day by day has become a necessity for us. We have talked about it, but rarely do we ever really do it. As we wait for two pathology results to be determined - we must focus on the day that we are in. We have been in the place where we have assumed that the results were going to be given the next day and have been dissapointed when they did not come. It is to difficult to think about "when" the results will be given.
The 'not knowing' is not the most difficult part - it is the 'not doing' that is the hardest. It is as if the 'diagnoses' that will be given don't even matter anymore, it is the treatment plan that is important. We must have more information before treatment is to begin - so we will have to keep testing and waiting - but ultimately they can label the masses 'anything' and the most important information for us is what treatments are available and how effective are they. This is not to insinuate that the doctors are not working as quickly and as diligently as they can to diagnose and treat Robert. We can not express the amount of admiration and trust we have in the team of doctors that are fighting for us and with us. They are compassionate and caring and we pray for them to find the answers and celebrate Robert's recovery with us.
There have been inspirational moments and moments of recognition that we are surrounded by so many good people and it does keep our spirits raised.
On April 19th our friends supported us in raising 1,000 at our charity yard sale. They were planners, organizers, contributors, photographers, and the most amazing sales people. They arrived early and stayed late to keep pushing to do more. They raised awareness of brain cancer and raised money for critical research. They did it all with great energy and spirit. They are our never ending cheerleaders and we are forever grateful.
On May 3rd we completed the Race For Hope-DC surrounded by friends and family. Things were different then the year before and yet the inspiration and overwhelming emotion the the day remained the same. The team was bigger, the t-shirts were new (and GREAT), and the weather was different. The day that we had been planning for - for so long came and went quickly. Robert was able to attend and was pushed in a wheelchair by his brother. Having friends that will travel to DC in the rain and walk with us is an unbelievable act of support and we feel thankful to have so many people to call 'friends' We thank everyone who supported us through donations and know that you have made a difference in our lives and the lives of others.
There are so many people to thank- We thank those that bring us food, plant & deliver flowers for the sole purpose of giving them to others, send us messages of encouragement, send parking & food coupons for Hopkins, donate t-shirts, design/copy pamphlets, give an i-pod gift card so that we can find the music that helps to sooth our souls, arrange for a free haircut, arrange for baseball games and batting practice, who read this blog, give their time & energy to raise money and support our charities, and care for our children.
Thank you to those that make us laugh and allow us to be the center of attention. We look forward to the day that we hold conversations that involve other people.
Thanks to all!

April 30th

2009-04-30T21:48:00.001-04:00

Robert did come home yesterday and is feeling better today. Our lives have changed dramatically since April the 8th and yet is as if we have been waiting for so long to receive the answers that will ultimately dictate future treatments. The diagnosis does not seem to be the most important news anymore - it is the treatments and effectiveness of treatments that we will have to focus on. The days are filled with a multitude of emotions as we wait for final pathology results from both the chest and the brain. We came home from the hospital ready to rest and prepare for the fight ahead. It is with the words of encouragement that you have given that we will stay positive in our ability to fight. It is in the love that you give that we will find the power to believe in ourselves and in the doctors to hold on to hope and never give up. It is in the acts of kindness that we find peace and that we are surrounded by 'good'. There are to many people to thank. I want so desperately to talk to each and every person but I can not find the time. Please know that we are thankful and do not take you for granted.

April 29th

2009-04-29T10:06:00.002-04:00

The brain biopsy went well yesterday and the results will take 5-7 working days. Yesterday was a long day as we arrived at the hospital at 6am for an MRI and the biopsy didn't begin until 3pm. Robert spent the night in the NCCU -Neuro Critical Care Unit- and may possible get to come home today. I am leaving for the hospital to try and capture and release him. If he does not come home I will spend the night with him as he will be moved to a recovery floor. We thank everyone again for your wonder words good wishes. Thanks to all!

April 27th

2009-04-27T20:38:00.002-04:00

Things have been changing every other day and it is difficult to keep everyone informed. I will try to update you without including the details of every possible scenario of what could be... The final pathology from the chest mass is not done and we are still awaiting results. Robert will have a brain biopsy tomorrow and the results should give us a better idea of the direction that treatments will take. We believe that the doctors are working diligently and with the the greatest desire to help. They are great and we are grateful to have them on our team. Please pray for them as they work to take care of us. Please pray for Robert as he undergoes yet another test and future treatments. We are blessed to have all of you on our team as well and know that the positive thoughts are making a difference in our lives. I will carry all of the love and support with us as we continue to travel on this journey and it will help us to keep moving forward with hope and the realization that we are not alone. Love to all.

April 24th

2009-04-24T10:08:00.002-04:00

Today Robert will be admitted into the hospital today. His medical situation is more complicated then ever before and we are desperately seeking answers so that treatments can begin. Forgive me for not being able to write about all of the details associated with this journey, but I am exhausted both physically and emotionally and I am unable to share the details right now. We are still waiting the final biopsy results from the mass in the lung. Know that we are going into the hospital for testing, in the hopes of finding more answers. Robert should be in the hospital until Thur. Most test will be non-invasive and have no pain associated with them. On Tuesday - Robert will have a brain biopsy. This is not a biopsy of the tumor already seen on the MRI scans, but in another area of the brain where there is question of something else happening. We are living a nightmare as Robert's gets sicker and there is no current treatment. Thank you to everyone for your support and love. Thank you.

April 20th

2009-04-20T00:38:00.002-04:00

Malignant! That is what they tell us. What type of cancer? We will have to wait. The words we anticipated after a week of test that were being scheduled rapidly and with urgency. There was the intense need to find out what this mass was in Robert's chest. Still - barely enough time has passed since we first heard the words - "We found something" - "A mass in your chest" and we are still dealing with the shock of the possibility of a secondary diagnosis of cancer, much less the reality that the mass is malignant. The recurrence of brain tumors was not shocking. The mass in the chest was shocking. Both at the same time is shocking. Everything just got ten times more complicated.

It is as if Robert's body is fighting against him. More cancer, cognitive functioning that is disrupted from brain tumors, and constant fatigue even before new treatments have begun. He remains strong, but how much can one person take? He tries to stay focused on what he has to do to fight the cancers. We stay committed to lift each others spirits when necessary and to refocus each other when times seem overwhelming.

Oct. 15, 2007 - it was if someone stuck a sword through my chest with the diagnosis of a glioblastoma multiforme grade IV. I pulled the sword out and over time the puncture began to heal. April 8, 2009 - is was if someone stuck a knife in my heart with the official diagnosis of a recurrence of brain tumors. There was no time to pull the knife out before the news of a mass in the chest was presented. The knife has been pulled out, but I am not sure if these wounds will ever heal. At he very minimum, the scares will be felt for a lifetime. My heart aches for all of us. Our family had already changed after the initial diagnosis, but this new stretch of the journey may have the greatest impact on our family. I hope that we can find the lesson to be learned in this deep pain. I hope that we can stay open to the belief that everything happens for a reason and if we are open to the entire experience - we will all be stronger for it.

We are sad. The kind of sad that no one would ever wish to experience. The kind of sad that hurts. The kind of sad that can make you feel physically sick. The kind of sad that changes your perspective of everything - yourself, your relationships to others, your purpose on this earth , and the importance of finding the truly important things in life. The news is devastating and it is as if the 'bump in the road' just became a mountain. We are ready to climb the mountain and will do whatever we have to do, we will go wherever we have to go, and will work with who ever we need too. We are together and will fight together with all of the support that is offered.

There are those that support us and we are incredible grateful to so many people. We are truly living day by day right now and are thankful to those who take care of our boys without any prior notice. We are thankful to those who take our boys to try and keep their schedules as normal as possible. We are thankful to those who look after our boys to give us time to do what needs to be done. They are taking care of our most precious gifts. We are thankful to those who send us messages of hope and words of encouragement. We are thankful to those who send us positive thoughts and prayers. They are keeping us moving forward. We are thankful to the friends who support us in our efforts to raise awareness and fundraising efforts. They are making a difference! We are thankful for the medical teams who have and will work to determine the best treatment options. They give us hope. Thank you!

April 14th

2009-04-14T15:44:00.002-04:00

It is Tuesday and so much has happened since our last post. Suffice it to say Robert has been going through multiple test to rule out the possibility that the mass in his chest is another type of cancer. Blood work, ultra-sounds, biopsy, and PET Scan. Everything is being scheduled quickly and appointments are being shuffled back and forth to fit them all in. Our oncologist recognizes the emotional distress of not knowing and works diligently to get us seen.
We will meet with here tomorrow to discuss the newest test results -if available- and to discuss the Brain Tumor Boards recommendations related to the latest brain scans.
Robert is exhausted and yet he still holds a sense of humor with the doctors and nurses. We will wait for the good results that must come. If this is a test - then we will pass. We will do what we need to do to be informed and take whatever action we need to take to be well.
The positive thoughts being shared with us - keep us well.

April 9th

2009-04-09T19:51:00.002-04:00

April 8th came and the news received from the MRI was unwelcome. Where there were two spots - now there are three. The official term - reoccurrence. Then the discussion of treatment options. Our oncologist is knowledgeable and shares multiple treatment options for us to consider. Options include surgery, different chemo drugs, clinical trials. The information is overwhelming. We will take one step at a time and trust in the professionals who care for us with all of the compassion of a friend. We will trust in ourselves to do what we feel is best and we will trust in the powers that guide us to keep moving forward.

We met with the surgeon today and he is first- sincere in his promise to always hold 'hope'. He will review Robert's scans with the Tumor Board on Monday to confirm that all other team members agree with him and the oncologist that the benefits of surgery would outweigh the risks. He will try to reach all spots and remove as much as he can without harming any good brain tissue. There are two spots that he feels confident that he can reach. The third spot is questionable and he will have to wait and see. We will wait to hear from them and make decisions from there.

We received a call from the oncologist this afternoon and they have found a mass in Robert's chest cavity. They do not know what it is and it will have to be biopsied. We hope to have it scheduled by early next week and are very frightened by this finding. They believe that this mass is unrelated to the brain cancer and are shocked by the results of the CT Scan.

This is all difficult to process. First a diagnosis of brain cancer, then a possible diagnosis of melanoma, and now a mass in his chest. Really! I would be angry if I knew who to be angry with. Robert and I are taking care of each other and we will fight the current and any additional diagnosis we are confronted with. We hope for good test results and for good treatment options when needed and ultimately a cure. We hope for the strength to handle any news that is received and the ability to stay happy and strong in spite of it. The support from those that we love is amazing and so appreciated.

March 30th

2009-03-30T10:47:00.002-04:00

We are home from our trip to Disney and we are all exhausted from the fun. This is not a complaint - just an indication of our thankfulness for the ability to 'go' and 'do'. We were able to find a balance of activity and rest in the hectic chaos that is included in any "Disney" vacation. It was time spent together without the daily chores associated with 'home' (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) It was time spent enjoying the excitement that the boys found in all of the attractions at the parks. It was for us a celebration of life.

Robert will begin another round of chemo this week and will have another MRI on (Wed.) April 8th. We will meet with the oncologist on that day. Thanks to everyone who sends us messages of support. Thanks to everyone who sends us good wishes and prayers. Our spirits are uplifted by the positive energy that surrounds us.

March 16th

2009-03-16T15:43:00.002-04:00

We are all excited and looking forward to our trip to Disney. The packing moves slowly and yet I know that it will get done and we will have clothes to wear while we are there. Planning a trip to Disney is like planning to go to another country. There are so many options and tips for successfully maneuvering through the parks - that it is like learning about the cultural differences of another place. We have researched information in bits and pieces as it is often difficult to focus on all of the details at one time. We hope to learn as we go. We are looking forward to the warm weather and spending time together without thinking about the daily stresses of work, home, or medical circumstances. This week will be busy and I am confident will pass quickly. The boys are excited and each have thoughts about the adventure they are about to travel. The memories are the most important aspect of the trip and we will most certainly do as much or as little as possible to truly focus on the moments that we are experiencing together.

March 11th

2009-03-11T20:56:00.003-04:00

Robert completed his 'first' round of chemo on Sunday. He did well and tolerated the treatment well. He was fatigued and moving in "slow motion". We are thankful for the response to his return to chemo and are trying to focus on the everyday events that are not directly related to diagnosis and treatments.
I keep thinking about Robert's strength and his ability to face the realities of life in a way that most of us can not easily imagine. He is strong emotionally and physically. He is caring and understanding and able to stay focused on the events of the moment. We are strong as a family and nothing can change that. Our love will remain strong and guide us through all of our collective experiences. Thank you to everyone who thinks of us and wishes us well.

March 5th

2009-03-05T15:30:00.003-05:00

Robert began the chemo last night and felt well. He went to work this morning and it was as if nothing had changed - except things have changed. We know that Robert is back on the chemo and yet we must wait until the next MRI to know more about the future results and/or treatments if necessary. There are moments that it is hard to think in the positive and there are moments that it is hard to be negative. Today I have been uplifted by the conversations, emails, and stories shared by family and friends. Thanks to everyone for your kind words of encouragement.

March 3rd

2009-03-03T12:05:00.002-05:00

I have thought about how to share our news and I will try to do it in a positive way, because it is the bad news - good news report. I start with the bad news because it is what we heard first and will have to focus on initially. The bad news is that Robert's MRI scan has changed. There are two spots that were not there before. They are small and they are not sure what they are - tumor vs. irritation from previous treatments. The oncologist is concerned because the scans have been clear for several months and the shape of the spots looks suspicious. Robert will go back on the chemo tomorrow and will possible stay on for a year. It is the same chemo drug that he had taken before and he will follow the five day on - twenty-three day off schedule. We are taking an aggressive approach with this treament realizing that we do not have an offical diagnosis, but feel that this is the best option.
Here is the good news:
They found the spots early and there is always the possibility that they are not tumor. Robert is not symptomatic from the threat of a brain tumor. He feels well and is strong in every way. He tolerated and responded well to treatment before. The location of the spots is still in the frontal lobe and there is a surgical option if necessary. Radiation may still be an option if absolutely necessary. We are working an oncologist, surgeon, and other medical professional that we trust and respect in a hospital that is amazing. There are also clinical trails that might possibly be available for patients with reoccurring tumors.
Most importantly - we are surrounded by family and friends who allow us to reach out to them and support us - always.
As Robert describes it- We have hit a bump in the road and we will fight. I'm along for the rough part of the ride and cling to the realization that while our medical story has changed, not everything has changed. No matter what happens medically - our love for each other has not changed and we will fight together.

March 1st

2009-03-01T17:54:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow we will go to Hopkins for Robert's MRI, blood work, and oncology appointment. Please think good thoughts as we hope for the best report possible. Thanks!

Feb 27th

2009-02-27T16:31:00.002-05:00

Today I have been home with the boys for the entire day and they have been my motivation for everything and anything that seems difficult and/or challenging. They have been working with me to gather items for our yard sale and have been very generous in giving up books and toys to sell in the name of charity. They have been enthusiastic about the work that needs to be done prior to the sale. Bryce is ready to hit the streets to gather items to raffle off. They have been cooperative and their attitudes remind me that the effort put into our projects is worth it.
We have planned a trip to Disney and are excited about the chance to get away and have fun together. When scheduling the trip we were asked if we were celebrating any special occasions and initially we said no. When asked again - I responded that we were celebrating 'Life'. Robert explained about his diagnosis and the representative questioned if he was telling the truth. We were not trying to shock her, but it is a story of hope and a story of the power of people. Without the people working to treat and search for a cure - and - without the people who care for us emotionally we would not be doing this well. It is a 'good' story in the respect that it demonstrates that people can pull together and make a difference. We are incredibly thankful for the good people in our lives.

Feb. 19

2009-02-19T14:21:00.003-05:00

We are doing well and keeping active - which is a good thing. The boys are well and so we are well. They are growing, playing, and learning at a rate that is astonishing to Robert and me. They surprise us every day. I watch them play and am reminded of their ability to,live in the moment and be totally focused on the activity in which they are engaged in at that moment. I wish that, as an adult, we had the ability to truly focus on the moment without the worries or stresses we have creeping in on and infringing on our bodies and minds. There are situations that we are totally engrossed in the moment, but the seem to be the exception rather then the rule. We have a lot to learn from our children - they play hard and love hard.
They are innocent in their actions toward each other. They are open minded, open hearted, and open to the diversity that surrounds us. They are forgiving and loyal to each other and share with out hesitation. Each day I will focus on sharing or doing something thoughtful in the hope that everyone else will do the same.

Feb. 10th

2009-02-10T09:26:00.002-05:00

We are looking ahead and planning ahead and that feels good. We will be participating in The Race for Hope - DC on May 3rd 2009 and are excited for the opportunity. It is energizing, emotional, and rewarding to be a part of an event that is structured to raise money for research of better treatments and ultimately a cure. Being there last year was uplifting and inspiring. This year we want to do more. More with our team, more with our fundraising efforts, and more with the goal of raising awareness for brain tumors and brain cancer.
We invite everyone interested to join our team and walk/run with us on May 3rd. For those friends running remember there is one rule - After running to the finish line you must walk back to those of us who will be walking and finish the race with us. We will also be holding a yard sale to raise money and awareness. We have a team of great friends who are working to plan an successful and profitable sale. We are also contemplating some additional fundraising ideas to be conducted after the race as donations will be accepted until Sept. 30th 2009.
It is often difficult to ask people for support - monetary and/or emotional, but we will - because of the realization that it is necessary to find a cure. We feel so thankful to have been supported by so many and believe that we have done well because of it. For every person who sends us positive energy we THANK YOU! You are our inspiration to do better and to be better.

Feb. 2nd

2009-02-02T10:19:00.002-05:00

It is Feb. and it is hard to believe. We are well and trying to keep it all together. The time passes quickly and we struggle to get it all done. We are doing better at completing the logistical matters that are necessary, but still find ourselves discussing it, adding it to a list, and revisiting it before completing anything. We are not living in the fog that we once found ourselves in, but planning and completing jobs still takes some extended time. I'm sure that this is a problem faced by many, not just us.
Robert will have a mole removed on his foot today and will be on crutches for 2-3 days. In Nov. he was referred to a dermatologists at Hopkins because of concerns over the high number and suspicious number of moles seen on his back, chest, and one on the bottom of his foot. Two moles have already been removed and came back as moderate to severe atypia - Basically, not malignant and they removed them in time. We will know more about this latest mole within ten days. The good news is that they are only removing one mole instead of the three that they had originally identified.
The other good news- The boys are taking sports classes and are ready for the warmer weather to get back outside. Bryce starts indoor soccer tonight and Trey is enrolled in mini-sport class that covers t-ball, soccer, and basketball. Bryce will play baseball in the spring and Robert is relieved that he wants to play, as he went back and forth on this decision. All guys are excited and eager to play. Robert is looking forward to getting on the softball field himself. Activity is good and I am happy to have everyone playing.

Jan. 25th

2009-01-25T18:20:00.002-05:00

Today we are tired. Tired - but 'good' tired. We have been busy and I look at the activity as a sign of our current state of well-being. Robert is working the 8 hour days. He typically goes in early and gets home early. Bryce likes to have his Daddy pick him up at the bus stop. Trey often asks where Daddy is during the day and tells me that he wants Daddy to come home.
The boys have been having play dates and the world seems to revolve around them again. This is a good thing when you are three and six. Bryce had a school friend over and will reconnect with some of his old preschool friends tomorrow on his day off. Trey has had a neighbor friend over and we have babysat a friend's baby twice in the last couple of weeks. We went out to dinner with friends on Fri. night and had friends to the house on Sat. Time spent eating, talking, and playing- great! Last weekend we went to Robert's work party and spent the night downtown. We enjoyed the time there and the opportunity to sleep in. Knowing that the boys were camping out at their aunt & uncle's and with their cousins gave us nothing but time to ourselves.
All of this activity has been made easier because of the fact that we are well and because of the fact that we are surrounded by good people who care and always wish us well. Surrounding yourself around good people gives you energy to stay positive in your life. There is so much that is difficult to understand, but one thing that is obvious is that - having good people in your life is the most important gift received. We have received many gifts in our lives and we love you all.
We watched Extreme Home Makeover tonight and I was struck by a comment made by the new home owner. He expressed his amazement at the fact that so many people gave their efforts to help his family without receiving any benefits themselves. While I understood his thinking, I couldn't help but to think of the fact that everyone who volunteered to help him had given and gift and received a gift as well. By giving to others they understood the joy & satisfaction that comes with helping others. They understood the power that we all have to make a difference. They must have felt a deep sense of gratification for their part in impacting and making someones life better. It doesn't take an enormous act of building a house to make an impact in someones life - it can be the 'little things' that impact others.

Jan. 20th

2009-01-20T22:37:00.002-05:00

Today was good, as every day has good in it. Today the boys witnessed history happening and I found myself feeling emotional. Whether you liked the outcome of the election or not - there is power in the way that so many were drawn together and hopeful for the future. We want so much for the boys to live in a world where they are inspired by possibilities, motivated by the belief that they are capable, and encouraged to dream 'big dreams' with the understanding that they can come true.
The inspiration that we have gained from each other in times of crisis has motivated us to appreciate our blessings. Today - I express my appreciation for the people who care for us and our children. Our appreciation for the understanding that our boys are well - so - we are well. And- our appreciation for the opportunity to talk to others and share our story with honesty and openness. Today was a good day.

Hope your day was good.

Jan. 11th

2009-01-11T10:13:00.002-05:00

The Kinberg family is doing well and we have all been busy and active. The boys are still trying to play with all of the new toys that they have received during the holidays. We have been adjusting to the boys going back to school and Robert going back to work after periodic days off during the holiday season. Robert is feeling well and we are thankful to be able to play together.

This morning when I woke up and I didn't know the date. This is not an uncommon occurrence and can be good or bad depending on the perspective and circumstances of the day. If we are unaware of the date because we are wrapped up in the moment and focused on the events taking place in our lives, then time time/date is not important. However, after discovering the date I realized that I had forgotten to take Bryce to a birthday party yesterday. I write about it only to emphasize that we all have moments of regret that can not be resolved, but that we must try and accept and rectify later. I have no excuse for my forgetfulness and can not understand how this happened. I feel terrible. I am thankful for the consideration of others who did nothing but try and make me feel better. The kindness of others who do not take my actions - in this case non-actions - personally and only laugh with me in my attempt to express my sorrow. People can be and are often more forgiving of others than we are to ourselves.

Dec. 31st

2008-12-31T11:20:00.002-05:00

Today we will celebrate many things. I know that we should celebrate something everyday, but some days bring us moments that will be celebrated with heightened excitement. Robert's MRI results were good and that is our greatest reason for celebration today. Of course the messages from friends brings us happiness knowing that we are surrounded by good people. Thanks for crossing fingers and toes. As one friend stated, "... the positivity meter went off the charts for the ending of 2008." She shared the thought that - on New Years Eve - every person would take a moment to be filled with hope and re-newed energy for the upcoming year. May you find THAT energy. Love to All.

Dec. 30th

2008-12-30T12:57:00.002-05:00

We found out this morning that Robert will have an MRI tomorrow and meet with the oncologist just after. The MRI had been scheduled for 1/5 and the oncology appointment on 1/7. The oncologist had to reschedule due to her obligations - not because of any medical concerns with Robert. Our last report was so positive and the news relieves us until the next MRI is complete. Once the next MRI is complete, we are left hoping and praying for another good report. I don't like having to ask for much, but I won't hesitate to ask for any prayers and good wishes for another good MRI report. Thank you and may we all begin this new year with peace in our hearts.

Dec. 29th

2008-12-29T18:24:00.003-05:00

Hope everyone had a great Holiday. Our Holidays were great and the boys were so excited this year. Their excitement is contagious and makes the holidays richer. Celebrating multiple holidays presents interesting challenges and we are trying to teach the true meaning behind each holiday -(not just the gifts). Bryce's birthday is New Years Day and it seems that there is so much going on all at once. Bryce will be turning six and we can hardly believe it. Trey likes to tell us that HE is almost seven and we all just smile and giggle. Our boys keep us focused and we find laughter in their actions and/or comments every day. Hopefully your Holiday was and will be filled with peace and happiness. Thanks for checking in!

Dec. 19th

2008-12-20T03:50:00.002-05:00

Really? I was just posting about Thanksgiving and now we are closer to Hanukkah & Christmas. We are doing well and are looking forward to the holidays ahead. Robert and I have each celebrated a birthday this month and no longer think much about the number, but give thanks for having had another year to celebrate. Although- I have been telling everyone that "29" is fabulous.
The boys are excited about the holidays and ask each night if this is the night that Santa will come. I love their enthusiasm and excitement. We cut down a tree and have decorated it. This year the REAL("green")tree made it into the basement- as last year we decorated a metal tree. They have both written Christmas list and are ready to deliver them to Santa at the mall.This might be the first year that they both sit with Santa. They have been good and I have a feeling that Santa will come here.
We feel that the boys have so many toys and that we are are so fortunate to have so many things. This year we will donate to a charity instead of giving them Hanukkah gifts.
I find myself reflecting a lot about the past year. The past year has been filled with emotions that have been intensified by the news of Robert's diagnosis. I will try and use those feelings to find a deeper appreciation for the day and all of the blessings that - 'that' day has to offer. To find peace in the fact that even through the toughest times we all stood together and we are stronger for it. Knowing other care is priceless. May your holidays be filled with peace and happiness.

Dec. 4th

2008-12-04T20:32:00.002-05:00

Our trip was fantastic and we all had a good time. The house was beautiful and close to the beach. The boys had fun playing in the sand, collecting shells, and even walking in the water. I enjoyed long walks on the beach and Robert enjoyed the time away. It was great being with everyone and I kept thinking of the memories that our children will have of the time spent with their cousins.
These days I take more time to reflect on our lives. At Thanksgiving I realized this:

I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful for the little things. I am thankful for the big things. I am thankful for the past, I am thankful for the present, I am thankful for the things that are yet to come. I am thankful for the lessons learned through my experiences and I am thankful for the people who have helped to teach me.

The Little Things:
1. Sunshine coming through the window on a cold winter morning
2. A cozy blanket and a hot cup of tea - OK - and a sweet little treat
3. A good TV show to distract me from everything else
4. A movie to make us laugh
5. Finding the perfect gift
6. A clean house
7. A phone call, an e-mail, or a card that comes in the mail
8. Getting an extra hour of sleep in the morning
9. A good photograph
10. A good hair day

The Big Things:
1. Someone listening & hearing & caring
2. Someone sharing
3. People giving their time to help you. Giving of their time and expecting nothing in return. Giving back
4. Time with family and friends. Building memories
5. Hearing the children laugh
6. A hug or a kiss. Hearing the words - 'I love you'
7. Seeing excitement in someone else's eyes
8. Knowing that others care about you and your families well-being
9. Knowing that our children are happy and content in their lives
10. Finding fun in the world

There are people, places, food, events, and things that can bring us the feeling of happiness. But - the true meaning of happiness is finding peace within your own heart and mind. Knowing, feeling, and believing that you can find happiness. I am happy to be surrounded by so many people who wish happiness for us. We are happy to have you in our lives and to have the understanding of how much you have impacted our lives/happiness. We are thankful.

Nov. 25th

2008-11-25T09:03:00.002-05:00

We have celebrated Thanksgiving with the Bruff side of the family and will fly to SC today to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Kinberg side of the family. We have so much to be thankful for and are happy to be celebrating. We will celebrate the time with family. We will celebrate the fact that we have friends who care and we will celebrate the realization that - love and support - from others is the most precious gift of all.

The boys are excited to fly and we had fun packing their backpacks for the plane. They are our motivation to live well. They keep us moving in a positive direction. They help us to see the excitement in life. They give us a perspective that is uncluttered, solid, and focused on the moment - something that is difficult for the adults. As we often become overwhelmed with the responsibilities and emotions of our lives.

We are learning and trying to take time to reflect and focus on the moment. Robert and I will remind each other with a look or words to slow down, stop, and take a minute to relax. Time together is good. We want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and may you find a moment of true happiness.

Nov. 17th

2008-11-17T14:39:00.002-05:00

Everyone has a story. I meet people and hear of people with amazing stories. Some are sad and full of difficulties. They are hard to hear and yet there is something to be learned from it. People that we know or people that we don't - are doing it. They are pushing forward and fighting even in times of pain and fear. They are beating the odds and astounding the doctors. They are living in the moment and enjoying life.
Some stories are good in there content and full of hope. They are uplifting and inspirational. Stories that give me power to believe that good things can and will happen. There are people we know who do so much good, who care so deeply, and who are truly caring of others. They are selfless in their acts of kindness and expect nothing in return. These are the people who are the role models for all of us. I think often about how to give back and how to help others - it is something that we all need to find within ourselves. For now we are still trying to thank everyone for the ways that they have supported us. Please know that we are thankful.

Nov. 11th

2008-11-12T12:05:00.002-05:00

Good news from the oncologist. The latest MRI demonstrated stability and some improvement. The doctor called Robert a 'super star' patient. We like to refer to him as the 'over-achieving' patient or our 'Super-hero." She expressed that past progress does not technically predict future progress - but it does in some respect - because: Many patients who struggle from the beginning - always struggle. For those that have responded well to treatment - there is no reason to believe that they will not continue to do well. Obviously- the doctor can not predict the future and that is why Robert will have MRI's every two months.
We will take one report at a time and hold on to the relief that we feel in the moment. We will focus on the current news and be thankful for it. We will continue holding on to the belief that life is full of 'good', 'bad', 'happiness', 'sorrow', 'expected' and 'unexpected' events and that all hold meaning. We thank you for your support and good wishes that keep us feeling strong physically and emotionally. Love is all around us.

Nov. 7th

2008-11-07T09:40:00.002-05:00

It has almost been two months since Robert's last MRI and he will be going in for another MRI on Monday. We will get the results when we meet with the oncologist on Wed. Robert has been feeling well and working hard. We hope for more good news as we try to stay focused on all of the eventful/memorable incidences that fill our daily lives.

Oct. 29th

2008-10-29T13:58:00.003-04:00

It is the end of Oct. and I 'm trying to remember where the month has gone. The days have passed quickly and I often struggle to remember what day it is. Fall seemed to last a few days and now if feels like winter.
The month may have passed quickly and yet there have been many positive moments The painting is complete and the changes in the appearance of the rooms in dramatic - and we all love it. Painting took place over four days and the work accomplished was remarkable. I am grateful for the support that was provided and know that I would never have been able to do that much work on my own. I was inspired and motivated to do more then I thought was possible. Thanks Dad and the Nancarrow-Timms family. Your dedication and hard work have made a difference in our home and in our hearts.
We have many goals to fulfill. There are the goals that fall under the logistical responsibilities and those that are the personal desires. We are working toward many goals and look forward to having fun along the way. I often try and remember the goals that have already been reached when overwhelmed by the goals still ahead of us. Thanks to everyone around us who reminds us to have fun.
Cute moment of the month: Bryce and Trey running in the rain - just to run. Running and screaming around the yard - literally soaking in the water. And- all of this just after having ice cream in the middle of the day. Why not?

Oct.19th

2008-10-19T09:22:00.002-04:00

We are enjoying another great weekend and the changes that seem to surround us. The weather is changing- fall seems to have arrived, the leaves are tuning the vibrant and beautiful colors of fall, Robert has left for Florida and that is always a change in our routine, the walls in our home are about to change as I begin the painting process this week, change in hair color and styles, and the boys seem to change each and every day as they grow. This is why I decided to change the background colors on the blog. A new look - a new feeling. Changing cosmetic appearances will not really change the deeper emotions and the true feelings about life - but it does give us a renewed feeling of satisfaction, a new appreciation of the little changes that can bring us joy in the fact that things can change for the better. A realization that change does not always have a negative connotation. Change can inspire us to to do more and search for the learning that can come from finding the positive aspects of the change. Change can inspire us to feel better about ourselves and appreciate the people who surround us. The generosity of others who help us to create positive change is powerful and remarkable. Change can inspire us to appreciate the material things that we already have and recognize that we are not a product of the amount of things that we own. I guess my point is - I think that changes - whether - positive or negative - can teach us. Circumstances and people in our lives have changed us forever and we are grateful for the messages that we have received.

Oct. 10

2008-10-10T15:39:00.002-04:00

Today has been a good day and we are looking ahead to a fun weekend. I was thinking how nice it is when we can take time out of our daily routines and spend time with a special person. How nice it is when we can plan to spend personal time with others and how nice it is that we have others around us to support us in our efforts to connect with each other. We appreciate the time to bond and spend time with the people we care about.
We hope that you have a great weekend and spend it with the people who care for you.
Thanks for caring for us and we are caring for you.

Oct. 2nd

2008-10-02T19:22:00.003-04:00

It is Oct. and it is hard to imagine that almost one year has passed since Robert was diagnosed. In some respects it seems like just yesterday and yet it seems like we have traveled through a journey filled with a vast amount of emotions that have forced us to grow and change over time. So much has happened and so much has changed forever.
We have been busy and active and thankful for the ability to spend time having fun. We are thankful for the time with family, and the chance to enjoy the boys. We have spent time with friends, and just been ecstatic to be surrounded by them. We are thankful for the continued support and caring attitudes of others. Your contributions to our well-being are working and we are thriving on the understanding that others care and wish us the best. It is possible to 'feel' the love.
Here is a thought that I have been contemplating today- When times are difficult, we are often given the advice to - 'live day by day' or 'take one day at a time'.
Here is a thought - some days just stink - and we have to think that the next day will be better
and - making future plans and having something to look forward to helps us to realize that situations can improve over time and that we will have fun again.
The emotional comfort & stability that allows us to look forward and plan for the future demonstrates the hope that we have in our hearts.

Sept. 24th

2008-09-24T12:07:00.002-04:00

We met with our oncologist a week ago today and we were ecstatic with the report. We knew going in that we were walking into a good report, but it is not until you talk with the doctor and see the MRI scans that you can believe the phenomenal results. The scans indicated a decrease in all spots/white matter seen on the brain. Obviously, I am not presenting the information in proper medical terms. The point is - stable is what is hoped for and any decrease is considered exceptional. Robert is the overachieving patient and is living his life as he has always done - with honesty, integrity, and a dedication & loyalty to the important people in his life. He has the ability to rationalize the lack of control that we ultimately have over many factors in our lives. He has the resolve to face each day with an attitude that 'what will be' - 'will be' and there is no point in worrying about it. We are so happy with the last results and try to hold on to the feeling of relief that has come with the pictures demonstrated on the last set of scans. Wishing everyone well...

Sept. 12th

2008-09-12T13:07:00.002-04:00

Our days have been busy and we have managed to keep moving at an energetic level- until 8:00pm. By 8:00 - the boys are in bed and Robert and I are close to it. We went to Ocean City and had a great time. We left on Fri. and returned on Tue. Yes- Tuesday. I had told many people that we would return on Monday and truly believed that this was accurate. It wasn't until we were at the beach that we realized the reservation was made until Tuesday. I had made the reservations and had incorrectly written it on my calendar. Oh well. Robert took and extra day off of work, Bryce missed another day of school, and Trey & I gladly accepted an extra day at the beach.
Since returning- life has picked up the pace and does seem to be moving faster then is possible. Robert has returned to work, Bryce has returned to school, Trey has attended two days at preschool, and I have made two trips to Johns Hopkins - scheduled appointments. Robert had his eyes checked again at the Wilmer Eye Institute at Hopkins. He got another good report. His vision is stable and there were no indicators of pressure on the brain. He will return in another six months for an exam.
As we come up on the 11 month marker of the day that Robert was diagnosed with a brain tumor, we are thankful for the lesson learned, the recognition of love and support, and the understanding that we have been and are blessed with good fortune. This is not to say that we are thankful for the diagnosis, but we are thankful for the increased awareness of the good fortune that still exists in our lives. We have our family and we have love.
It is sometimes difficult to watch our children grow and change and become more independent. I find myself - having to remind myself - that their changing behaviors and attitudes indicate that they are growing and developing as they should be. The fact that they are succeeding in new environments without us, means that they have learned the lessons that we have taught them. The fact that they are growing and changing physically, means that they are healthy. The fact that we are watching them change over time, means that we have had valuable time with them to build memories. I am trying not to hold on to the past or think to far into the future and am trying to enjoy the present. May you all have a great day.

Sept. 2nd

2008-09-02T15:07:00.002-04:00

We have received good news today regarding Robert's MRI scans. The oncologist reports that all scans look good. She noted that we couldn't have gotten a better report. We are thankful for the excellent report and for the friends and family that we get to share the news with. We are thankful for the doctors who are willing to listen to us, work with us, and communicate with us in a way that comforts us. We recognize that they are caring for Robert and the family as well. The attention paid to all of us, both physically and emotionally, keeps us strong and ready to focus our attention where it needs to be directed- on living and living well. Thanks.

Sept. 1st

2008-09-01T16:07:00.002-04:00

It was great having a long weekend and having Bryce and Robert home on Mon. We had a relaxing weekend and are gearing up for the rest of the week. Which brings me to my reason for posting. Tomorrow, Robert will be having another MRI. As always I will ask anyone who is reading this to please send your best wishes forward and/or pray for a good report. We will not be meeting with our oncologist and will post the results as soon as we can. Hope you all had a great weekend and wishing you the best. Thanks so much.

Aug 26th

2008-08-26T09:48:00.001-04:00

We apologize for the delay in posting. I could make many excuses for the absence of postings, but I will spare you all of the details of that. As my intelligent husband reminded me- I can post brief messages to let you know that we are well and post again later with all of the deep/emotional thoughts that I typically include. Today's posting will be a combination of both.

As usual, life passes quickly and many changes occur before we have often processed the facts. Bryce started kindergarten on Monday and it has been both exciting and emotional. Robert and I placed him on the bus on the first day of school and watched him ride away without us to protect and care for him. We had to have trust in ourselves- that we had taught him the skills to be independent and successful in school. We had to trust in him- that he would behave appropriately and find his place in school. We had to trust in the school- that they would take care of him, nature him, and help him to learn. Luckily, Bryce has been excited to go and is eager to exert his independence.

I write about this because the home/school relationship is similar to the home/hospital/relationship that Robert and I have with Hopkins. We have had to spend a lot of time in the hospital, learn the 'new' rules and regulations of treating Robert's medical condition and learn to live with the 'new' normal that has impacted our family dynamic & family relationships. We have had to place our trust in the medical professionals- that they will nature and care for us. We are incredibly thankful to be working with the most caring and brilliant people at Hopkins. We ask that you continue to wish for Robert's good health and ultimately a cure. Thanks.

Aug. 12th

2008-08-12T14:32:00.002-04:00

It has been some time since our last post but we have a good reason for that. Robert and I went to Rhode Island and we have not had much new information to share beyond that. Robert and I had a good time on our trip and it felt like we had been away forever. That is the longest time that we have been away from the boys. The boys had a great time without us and it was like they were on their own vacation. I tell everyone that they didn't miss us and that made it so much easier to be away. They were certainly happy to see us when we returned, but really didn't mind that we had been away for five days by ourselves. Knowing that the boys were being cared for and entertained made it so much easier for us to relax and enjoy our time away. However, I have told our neighbors and my sister & brother-in-law that- they have spoiled the boys- because they had so much fun with them- we (Robert and I) are now- just boring.

Despite obstacles we were able to go, relax, and have a good time. Some obstacles included the fact that Robert was diagnosed with an ear infection and I was diagnosed with strep on the morning of our flight out. We both got medications and packed them along with the countless number of other drugs we had already packed and headed for the airport. Other then Robert experiencing some pain on the first flight, we felt well during most of the trip. Another obstacle- My luggage did not arrive in RI. I'm not sure who was more upset. Robert kept checking with the front desk at the hotel and arranged to have them call us when it arrived- I think that he was scared that I was not going to relax until I had my clothes with me. Robert said that he wished that it was his luggage that had been routed to another airport and I agreed. Seriously, Robert and I just tried to accept it as another glitch to laugh about and kept moving as we were determined to have a good time. The luggage arrived around 3:30 the next day and I was back to being indecisive about what to wear. We had great weather beside the one rain storm that we got drenched in and really felt that the sunsets were there for our own personal viewing.

Honestly - we feel that the trip couldn't have come at a better time. We had just received good news from the doctors, the boys were content to be without us, and we were ready to take the time. We feel fortunate to be physically able to travel and to have others support us in being ready to travel. This trip would not have been possible without the support of some very caring and thoughtful people who obviously have kind hearts. We did not take the opportunity and the time away for granted and hope that we used the time to refresh ourselves and be stronger for it. Take care and may you all find peace in your lives.

July 30th

2008-07-30T02:52:00.002-04:00

We are spending the days enjoying being with the boys and soaking in the funny things that they do and say. We are observing the new behaviors - both the heartwarming and teeth clinching behaviors - and are able to laugh and smile at the fact that they are all signs of healthy and developmental appropriate children. We are happy to be able to find and focus on the amazement of how quickly they grow, learn, and mature. Their innocent perspectives, curious questions, and unfiltered responses keep us laughing.

Robert is feeling well physically and emotionally. We are content in the moment and of course we continue to wish for continued contentment. Robert and I are taking a trip from Thur. to Tue. to Rhode Island. We are looking forward to the time to relax and be together. The boys are excited to 'vacation' without us and we are thankful that they are so comfortable to stay without us. Although it is sometimes difficult to plan to be away from the boys - both emotionally and logistically - we recognize that we all need time to regroup, reconnect, and refresh ourselves. We are thankful for everyone who helps us to function each and every day. We are not working alone here and we are thankful for the support.

July 21st

2008-07-21T20:46:00.002-04:00

Your prayers and positive thoughts are working. We meet with our oncologist today and we got an excellent report. She is beginning to realize what most of us already know- Robert is a superhero. I wish that I could articulate to you what the doctor explained to us, but the emotions and my lack of medical knowledge make it impossible to repeat the amount of detailed information that she shared with us. Suffice it to say- she explained that all pictures on the MRI scans showed improvement. She told us that she would have been happy if the scans had remained the same and yet she saw improvement across all scans. She stated that this is rare and so she was very pleased. We are grateful for this report and grateful for all of the people who share in our happiness. Thank you for giving your time to reach out to us through your thoughts, prayers, and good wishes. We take this positive report and the joy that comes with it to sleep with us tonight as we dream of future happiness together. Sweet Dreams!

July 11th

2008-07-11T21:41:00.002-04:00

I know that I just posted two days ago and it was long winded- but- I had to post again tonight for two reasons. First- I have so many thoughts scrambling in my head and writing often helps me to organize and clarify them for myself. Secondly- I often have this sense of stress come over me when certain incidences happen, because it reminds me of the amazing support that have surrounding us. The support is not the stressful part- that is indeed the most wonderful gift. The stress is the fact that we can never seem to truly reach out to and express our gratitude quickly and articulately enough to impress upon others the positive impact that they have had on our lives.

OK- Here I go. I will try to remain brief. Tonight we watched episode 1 & 3 of the new TV series- Hopkins. Robert found it interesting from a scientific perspective and was able to watch it with little emotional impact. I viewed it more from an emotional perspective and found it difficult to watch, at least initially. Maybe because it brought back the raw emotion of our experiences at Hopkins, maybe because we got the 'undesirable' diagnosis while we watched others get a 'positive' diagnosis, or maybe because it was a reminder that we are still fighting. As my intelligent husband reminded me- he is doing well. He feels good and definitely looks good too.

One thing was and is always clear- We will be forever grateful to so many and will be spending time trying to share our feelings. Tonight, as we watched the show, we were reminded of the dedicated doctors, nurses, social workers, and staff who dedicate themselves to their jobs. We feel fortunate to be working with the 'best' of the 'best'. They make sacrifices every day to help families like us. They have taken care of Robert and me as well. I ponder how it is possible to thank someone for tirelessly taking care of others physically & emotionally (before/during/after diagnosis) and continuing to research to keep improving treatments. They are the most disciplined and selfless people and we are thankful that they are intelligent enough, empathetic enough, and dedicated enough to do such good in the world. I hope that a 'thank you' can never come to late as we now feel that we are at a point in time when we can try and express our sentiments.

A neurosurgeon said it well on the show tonight- He commented that he believes those patients who have a large support network do better then those that do not. So if I haven't articulated it well enough- let me say it like this- THANK YOU! Robert will go for his next MRI scan on Wed. 7/16. We will meet with the doctor to review the results on Mon 7/21. Since I have gotten better at asking- I will ask for your prayers and good wishes for a good report.

July 9th

2008-07-09T10:39:00.002-04:00

We are back from GA and really enjoyed our time with everyone. It felt good to get away, spend time with family, and to do what was so typical and normal before we embarked on the medical journey that we have been facing. We were able to appreciate the fact that we were able to go. We were able to appreciate the fact that we were doing what had become routine - before the diagnosis. We were relaxing and spending time with each other without feeling the constant pressures of life.

The flight was a unique experience for each of us. Bryce was fearful and adamant that he was not getting on the plane. Trey was excited and truly viewing it with amazement. Robert and I were anxious to get everyone on the plane and keep them occupied and content. In the end- all went extremely well and it was an enjoyable experience for everyone. Let's just say- the flight attendant saw that Bryce was upset and sent the boys and I directly to the cockpit. The boys got to sit in the pilots and co-pilot's seats and were given extra special attention that put them at ease and had us all very excited. Once I realized that I did not have the camera - Robert did - The pilot got on the microphone and said, "Robert Kinberg please bring the camera to the cockpit." Imagine this- Robert has two car seats on the plane, some carry on bags, and has to move against the traffic of passengers still boarding to get to us in the cockpit. He did it and I have pictures that capture the excitement in the cockpit. These are the memories that we will treasure always.

I will draw upon this experience often as it is in some way an analogy for life. There are things that we are all fearful of and yet we can overcome them. Bryce trusted in us to be there for him (affirm his fear), to teach him (Robert talked him through what was happening), and protect him - and was able to enjoy the flight and even look forward to doing it again. Sometimes the inexperience and the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming and fearful. However, having people around us - to affirm that our feelings and fears are valid, to guide us, and to support us allows us to get through the dark and scary times knowing that we will be more experienced and stronger because of it. The willingness of strangers to reach out and help confirms that we need to extend ourselves/accept help and learn from others. The flight attendant and pilots taking time out to help the boys is equivalent to the number of strangers that have reached out to us and have given us reason to smile. And even if flying is not our favorite thing to do or our first choice of transportation - doing it and understanding that the experience opens us up to seeing the big beautiful world and the many places and cultures that we would not have seen if we had not overcome the fear - is worth it and is the power that keeps us flying again. This diagnosis is not what we would have chosen - but we must believe that this experience and all of the emotions that are encompassed in it- will open our hearts and eyes to feel and see things in ways that are unique and powerful. I believe that if we do not give in to the stress of the immediate situation and keep our eyes on the big picture, we will be stronger and better for it. Once the boys were relaxed and in the air, I had a huge sense of relief for them and told them that the world is now theirs and they can explore it.

June 29th

2008-06-29T15:48:00.002-04:00

Robert has completed his sixth and final round of chemo since completing his his initial six weeks of radiation and chemo after surgery. He was extremely tired and a bit nauseated with this cycle. He has been trying to get some extra rest and regain some energy. We will have the next MRI scan approximately one month after this round of treatment. The date has not been determined.

Summer is in full swing and it seems that everyone is on vacation or getting ready for a vacation. We will be leaving for Georgia on Tuesday and are looking forward to being away and spending time with everyone there. This has been a time of reflection for me and I am so thankful for the way that Robert has tolerated treatments and the positive reports that we have received after each MRI. I continue to try and take each day by day. Sometimes it seems overwhelming and we have to make a conscious effort to remind ourselves that relatively speaking - we are doing very well.

We have each other and we have so much to be thankful for. We are surrounded by so many people who care for us and continue to send us good wishes and for that we are forever grateful.

June 19th

2008-06-20T19:25:00.002-04:00

I sit here and am unsure about what to post because this week has been good and there is no new medical news to report. As I wrote in the last post, Robert will take his sixth and final round of chemo treatments beginning this Sunday. Funny story- Each month it has been a process to get the chemo and anti-nausea medications. The oncologist office has to fax the order to the pharmacy and the pharmacy has to schedule the delivery with us... This process tends to take 2-3 days. The medications come via FedEx and must be signed for by an adult in the house. Of course- this morning the FedEx man comes while I am in the shower. Bryce came in and yelled, "He's here." I sent Bryce to yell through the window that I was coming and ask him not to leave. Let's just say- he waited and had a serious look on his face as I thanked him over and over again. I'm shocked that he didn't either laugh or run from me as I opened the door with a soaked head and no make-up on. I told Robert that I have a new relationship with the FedEx guy.
We hope that everyone has a great weekend.

June 13th

2008-06-13T15:13:00.002-04:00

Time keeps passing, usually faster then we can believe. Bryce will go to Sport Camp next week, Trey is in his 'Big Boy' bed and room, and Robert will be taking another round of chemo a week from Sunday. Round number six since he completed the initial phase of radiation and chemo combination. Some days it feels like only yesterday Robert and I were in the ER and then I remember that it has been almost 8 months. We are thankful to be in a good place now and ready to keep moving forward with our lives. Robert is feeling well and is ready to move off of the chemo treatments.

Earlier this month I got to meet a GBM survivor of 17 years. Obviously, this was an emotional and inspirational encounter and it gives us all hope for our futures. I sat in the room with many other newly diagnosed patients and family members and was happy to report that we were 7 months out and doing well. The educational meetings always begins with quick introductions. People typically tell if they are the patient or caregiver. I explained that my husband was diagnosed with a GBM in Oct. and that I am there 'alone' because he is working. I further have explain that I do not consider myself his caregiver, as he is often the one taking care of us. My heart went out to everyone there as I have felt the pain that they are now experiencing. We pray for all patients, their families, and most importantly for a cure. Happy Father's Day to all of the Dads.

June 7th

2008-06-07T13:56:00.002-04:00

We are attempting to beat the heat wave that has hit today and is likely to last for five days. Despite the heat, t-ball went on as scheduled and the day will proceed with more time spent inside then outside. Robert is feeling well and is running errands and doing chores around the house. There are moments when this seems 'normal' and then the realization hits that we have gone through phases when Robert was not physically able to do these tasks. We are reminded that our sense of what is normal has been in frequent transition. We become so accustomed to our daily lives that we often take for granted the beauty in our ability to perform the mundane chores of our daily lives. We are thankful that we are physically capable to complete these tasks. Each and every day will not be filled with the overly exciting activities and events, but that does not mean that we can't value the time. We continue to wish for 'just boring." Thanks for all of your good wishes.

June 2nd

2008-06-02T22:22:00.002-04:00

We have experienced the kind spirits of so many people and continue to be so grateful for everything. There are times when things seem effortless and times when things seem insurmountable. We are thankful for the days that flow effortlessly and are learning to work through the moments that seem insurmountable. Robert and I feel blessed for the prayers that give us strength. We are so blessed and have so much to be grateful for. There are so many people suffering and fighting - with the strength that we get from you - we pray for those that are in difficult times. Our hearts ache for those that are struggling. We have to keep believing that everything happens for a reason - even if we can not understand it now.

Robert is feeling well this week despite his 5th round of chemo. Tomorrow I will hug my children - kiss my husband - and take a moment to recognize all of the wonderful family, friends, and supporters that we have in our lives.

May 26th

2008-05-26T21:21:00.002-04:00

This weekend was wonderful. We had fun with family and friends and were busier then we have been in months. The weekend brought much joy and happiness to our family. I wish there was a way to share the variety of feelings and emotions that we experienced this weekend. We laughed with friends, we cried with friends, we celebrated with friends, and- at times just played without even thinking about the stresses we are under. We must continue to thank those who show unconditional generosity to our family. It is always very touching to receive love and support from those that we reach out too and overwhelming when we receive support from those that only heard of us from others. Robert said it best today, "Life is good." We are grateful for the blessing that we receive including the people who demonstrate compassion and love.

May 19th

2008-05-19T20:48:00.002-04:00

Today we got the good news that we were praying for. The MRI results indicate that the spot IS decreasing in size. The oncologist told us that the results from last month-to this month showed the greatest decrease. She was very pleased with the scans and feels comfortable going back to the 2 month MRI schedule. Robert will begin another round of chemo on Sunday and will have only one more left the following month. I will post more details later, but we are all very tired. Robert went to work early and we spent about 6 hours at the hospital. They boys are in bed and I am just enjoying this feeling of relief and gratitude.

May 17th

2008-05-17T15:49:00.003-04:00

We have been busy with the daily tasks that consume all of our time. We are still functioning on a delayed reaction schedule, but are thankful for the ability to do the things that we do. Life often seems overwhelming here and then we remember that life seemed overwhelming before -(perhaps for different reasons, but overwhelming just the same). I often tell people that our schedule may not seem busy to others, but is is busier then we have been in six months and we often find ourselves exhausted at the end of the day. I am not writing this to complain but to explain that our delayed reactions are not intentional. We are happy to be exhausted if it is because we are engaged and interacting in 'life'.
Robert will have another MRI scan on Monday 5/19 and we will meet with the oncologist to review the results on the same day. We were excited about the results from the last scan and continue to pray for more good news. Please pray for the lesion that has been found to continue to decrease and heal and for a positive report. As always thanks for the incredible amount of support that you provide.

May 7th

2008-05-07T13:55:00.002-04:00

I had to post to share an incident that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I - last minute- decided to take the boys out for lunch and to run to the store for t-ball snacks. Once we got to the Quizno's I ordered and went to the register to pay. Once in front of the cashier, I realized that I had left my wallet at home. I laughed and explained what I had done and kindly asked if he could hold the order- while I went home to get my wallet. The lady in line behind me jumped in and offered me $20.00 and asked me not to take the boys home. Initially I declined and she explained that she had a child and that she would like to give me the money and have me mail her $20.00 later. I accepted, thanked her, and promised to return the money quickly. She shared with me that recently her car had broken down and someone helped her and her son and she was happy to help someone else. I got it - the 'Pay it Back Theory' She said, "It's already working" - when she returned to the register to order a sandwich to go - the cashier did not charge her because he had seen her kind gesture to me. I promised to tell everyone this story in the hopes that one day we too- can do something nice for someone else. Robert and I have been so grateful for all of the support that we have received and hope that everyone understands the gratitude that we have. We can only hope that we will be able to help and support others that way that we have been helped.

May 5th

2008-05-05T20:30:00.002-04:00

We made it to the finish line at the Race for Hope in Washington D.C. It was the perfect day. The sun was shining - in spite of the weather reports that predicted rain all week, the team members showed up, the team members wore their team t-shirts proudly, and everyone crossed the finish line. Some team members finished faster then others, but everyone supported each other and we traveled together in spirit. That is what friendship is all about - traveling together through good times and bad and supporting each other during good times and bad. The turn-out was great and the amount of people there was exhilarating. They had something like 247 teams and 6-8 thousand participants on race day. On race day they amount of money raised was at 2.5 million and the donations are still coming in. Knowing that researchers will have funding to continue to search for a cure gives us hope that one will be found quickly. It was an emotional and inspirational day that will always be embedded in our minds. We thank everyone who supported us in our efforts to raise money for a cure. We thank everyone who continues to support us with prayers. Thanks!

April 27th

2008-04-27T20:01:00.002-04:00

Robert did receive a call from the oncologists assistant, who shared that the last MRI results looked excellent. We were happy to hear the words. Robert had to visit with his internist on Fri. because he thought that he might have 'pink eye' The doctor believes that it was some allergy and has prescribed some eye drops and medications. We are still waiting to speak with the oncologist to make sure that he can safely take these prescriptions. Medications that Robert would have taken without much thought, now have to be approved and taken with caution.
Robert will start his fourth round of chemo tonight and we both get a bit anxious during this time. We hope for the maximum benefit- with the least amount of side effects. Last week seemed so busy with the ball games and Robert's work meeting, and we both were really tired. We just hope to be able to function efficiently and enjoy the week days.
Thanks for the prayers - they are working well.

April 21st

2008-04-21T21:04:00.002-04:00

We are happy to report that everyone is feeling well and that baseball & softball games are in full swing. Robert is now the assistant t-ball coach and Bryce was very excited about Robert's new position. Trey and I sit and observe the action from the sidelines. Trey enjoys watching and eating the entire time we are there.
Tonight - Robert and I went to the kindergarten orientation at Bryce's elem. school. We couldn't have been happier and more amused to be there. It wasn't just the tour of the school or the presentations, but more the act of looking ahead at where he will be going everyday and thinking about how much he will learn, grow, and develop. Going together was important and special in ways that we might not have focused on before. The point- I guess- we are not rushing time along but we are enjoying being together and looking ahead to the future.

April 14th

2008-04-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

Medically speaking we have no new information to report. Robert has been feeling well and we have been busy with everyday chores and activities. Robert's next MRI is scheduled for April 23rd and we pray that the spot being monitored is healing. We will not be meeting with the doctors on this day and will wait to receive a report by phone or e-mail. We will post as soon as we have any information.

As I talk with others I am constantly being reminded that there are so many strong and inspirational people surrounding us. If we were not going through the journey that we are traveling, we would not necessarily hear or have heard the journeys that others have taken. So many people have suffered or are suffering, and are not only functioning- but living well. They are reaching out and supporting others. We are so thankful to those who reach out, share, and ultimately encourage us to keep fighting. I encourage others to reach out to someone in need. I encourage others to reach out and get to know someone that you may not be familiar with. Listen to others- they probably have a story to inspire you. So many people, so many stories, so much to learn.

April 9th

2008-04-09T13:25:00.003-04:00

Robert completed another round of chemo last week and is feeling well. With the doctors permission, he had his first softball practice last week. They play once a week and they will play double headers. He was sore from practice and knows that it will take some time before he is back to his old strength and speed. If I recall correctly- he was always sore after every practice.

The days are filled with the daily activities that everyone is familiar with and the evenings seem to pass so quickly. We are thankful for the moments that capture our attention and allow us to drift into them without remembering the stress and burden of the medical situation that we find ourselves in. The moments that are so precious, funny, and captivating that it is as if we are actually living for that moment. The funny things that the boys do and say, the way that they love each other, and the the way that they teach each other. These are the moments that propel us to keep moving. The thought that so many people are thinking of us, praying for us, and reaching out to us keeps our spirits high and allows us to continue to stay connected to others with whom we may not have even talked with in a long time. The people who we have never even met, who have reached out, remind us that all people are connected and special. Robert continues to inspire people and demonstrate his strength in so many ways. We are thankful for the ways in which so many people have inspired us. We thank you for your generosity and we appreciate the continued support.

March 29th

2008-03-29T14:35:00.002-04:00

Our week has gone well. Robert worked each day since his appointment on the 24th and even had some energy to spare. I honestly don't know how he does it- going to work each day and working longer days to make up for the time missed on Monday. He has some inner strength that keeps him energized throughout the week. Robert begins his third round of chemo this Sunday and we know that this means he will most certainly be more fatigued. We look forward to resting this weekend in preparation of the week ahead.

Now that the weather is getting warmer we will have to start walking to build up the strength to walk the 5k Race for Hope in D.C. on May 4th. We have been so grateful for the money raised by all of the teams that are planning to attend. We have never been involved in anything like this and are excited about the opportunity to participate with so many families that are experiencing the same things that we are AND to be doing it while surrounded by our friends. I expect that it will be an inspirational and emotional day. Thanks to everyone for supporting our efforts to raise money for treatments and the search for a cure.
www.braintumorsociety.org

March 24th

2008-03-24T20:44:00.002-04:00

In general, today's meeting with the oncologist resulted in a positive report [This is a Tammy K. dictation!]. The MRI showed no change from the last one done on Feb. 28th. This is a good indicator that the spot being monitored is not a tumor, but rather irritation from radiation. The doctor would liked to have seen more improvement in this MRI, but is still satisfied with the results so far. She will continue to monitor the situation over the next three months to make sure that the spot is not growing and begins to heal.

Thanks for checking in on our progress.

March 22nd

2008-03-22T14:44:00.002-04:00

We are excited that sping is offically here and looking forward to the warmer weather coming soon. I said the other day that is felt better, just to say that it was sping, even if the weather was still cold. As we sat and ate breakfast this morning I noticed that the sky was a beautiful shade of blue and the grass looked greener. When we went outside after breakfast, there were snowflakes falling. No- I'm not crazy, we all saw them. Either the grass is greener or just knowing that it is spring gives us the sense that everything will be in bloom soon. Regardless- I am not wishing time move faster, but trying to take in the beauty of the day.

We are excited that the Easter Bunny will be coming tonight and ready to have him hide the baskets in the house. Last year the boys were concerned that the Eater Bunny was entering the house and Robert wrote the Bunny a note- asking him to leave the baskets on the front porch. The Easter Bunny complied and I guess that they now trust him enough to come into the house. We will of course leave out our Easter Bunny Bait and keep our fingers crossed that he leaves us baskets of treats.

Robert got a haircut today. I know! His hair had grown and needed to be trimmed. He went to the Barber Shop. He looks great and is feeling well. We return to Hopkins on Mon. for another MRI and appointment with the oncologist. We hope for a positive report and will post the results to you as well.

Happy Easter to everyone and as always thanks for your support over the changing seasons.

March 19th

2008-03-19T05:59:00.002-04:00

We apologize that we have not posted anything in weeks. The last several weeks have been chaotic and we have all been doing our best to get through each day with some energy left in the evening. We have some positive news to report. Robert completed his second round of chemo and felt well during the week of treatment and the week after. He was tired, but did not feel sick. This was a great relief as they had increased the dose for the second round and for the months ahead. He worked and did not even feel as fatigued as he had last month. He is working longer days this week to make up for the long appointment day that we will have on Mon 3/24. Robert will have another MRI and we will meet with our oncologist to review the results on the same day.

As always we are so thankful for the love and support that we receive from the people closest to us, the people that surround us, and from people that we have never even met. Your prayers and support help us to find peace.

Feb. 28th

2008-02-28T18:14:00.002-05:00

Good news! Robert had is MRI this morning and the doctors office has called to report that the MRI scan looks the same as the one in Jan. We have not spoken with the doctor, but the person on the phone stated that the doctor said that there was no change and that she was happy with that. We will accept this report as good news and be grateful for the report. Each and every night we should all focus on the things that we are grateful for. Tonight we are grateful for everyone who is reading this. You all touch our lives and we thank you.

Feb. 27th

2008-02-27T14:17:00.002-05:00

I spend time trying to figure out what information to post and typically have no idea what we will write about, until I sit down in front of the computer. There are obviously so many emotions that we experience throughout this journey. Today - we will focus on the good news that we have to share. The good news is that Robert did feel stronger and more alert just as he entered his third week after the chemo treatment. It was a dramatic difference as he woke up over the weekend with much more 'spunk.' He was able to enjoy time with the boys and was much more energetic then he has been in a while. We all tried to take advantage of Robert's new burst of energy and get out of the house.
Robert will go for another MRI tomorrow and we look forward to getting a positive report from the doctor. We will not meet with her this month, but we will be in contact with her sometime soon regarding the result of the scan. We will post with an update as soon as we can. Thanks to all.

Feb.20th

2008-02-20T15:34:00.002-05:00

It is snowing outside - Bryce is ready to play, Trey is napping, and I am ready to curl up with a blanket and watch the snow falling. While Bryce is ready to jump in and play in the snow, I am content to sit inside and enjoy the snow fall without ever touching it. It strikes me that everyone tends to appreciate things in their own unique way. We all can appreciate the same things for different reasons. We each look at the same things with different perspectives and therefore evoke different feelings. For Bryce the snow means fun sledding, snowball battles, and eating the snow. For me it means beauty- until I have to shovel the driveway, clean off the car, and drive on the roads. And yet- If I force myself to seek a different perspective, I recognize that I can enjoy the moment much more if I view the snow as the children will. I will enjoy watching them laugh& play and remember that some of my most fondest memories as a child were playing in the snow (sledding, building snowmen, snowmobiling, etc.) The point is --- there is always a different perspective and we must attempt to find the perspective that brings us joy in the moment. We know that if we never had the snow- we would miss it.
Robert had to drive home in the snow as he is still working a full 40 hour week. He is beginning to feel more energized heading into his third week behind treatment. We stayed up to watch most of American Idol. I'm not kidding. While we joke about his early bed time I find myself falling asleep while watching television- sometimes while sitting up in the chair. We continue to be thankful for the incredible amount of support that has been showered upon us. Thanks to all.

Feb. 15th

2008-02-15T20:18:00.002-05:00

There is no new medical news to report - You know what they say, 'No news is good news." The only health related information is that Robert continues to be extremely tired during the week following his chemo treatment. There are some evenings that he goes to bed before or with the boys.
We are all learning to adjust to the changes in our routines and daily lives. I had a thought today- Robert's treatment schedule and the effects of the treatments are like the developmental stages that the boys encounter as they grow and the behaviors that change as they reach these different stages. Robert and I and the boys are still learning what the effects will be and how to handle them, as he progresses through his treatment schedule. This is a journey that we have never experienced before and we are trying to figure out how to manage them. This is not unlike the boys advancing through different developmental stages and exhibiting new behaviors that challenge us as parents. We are still trying to figure out how to manage them. We are blessed with wonderful children that teach us about- pushing the limits (testing people and objects until the understand how they operate), perseverance (never giving up until the mastered a new toy or game) , using their imaginations to create their own adventures, and resilience (the ability to bounce back from disappointment).
We as adults have a lot to learn from our children.
When we feel like we are being pushed to the limit- view it as a learning experience. When we feel drained emotionally and/or physically- know that you can persevere with the hope that it will get better. We can persevere with the belief that everything happens for a reason and that life will be good again. Being resilient means never taking our lives for granted. Even during the sad moments recognize that there are so many things to be grateful for.

Feb. 10th

2008-02-10T07:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday- Robert and I took Bryce to Johns Hopkins for the Children's Orientation. This was a day for children/grandchildren of patients to tour the hospital and to learn more about the hospital/treatments. We are recognizing that the 'unknown' is fearful and that knowledge is power. We all struggle with the fear of the unknown and the inability to control our world. This gave Bryce an opportunity to learn more about cancer/treatments/and the hospital in a safe and nurturing environment.
This program was created to demonstrate, to the children, where their family members are going and to show them what & how medicine/treatments are being provided. They had an oncologist speak in general terms about good cells-bad cells and then toured the hospital. Of course the initial talk was a bit difficult for Bryce to comprehend and he verbally noted that he was bored. However, after we left the hospital and later in the day he asked very relevant and articulate questions about those 'cells.' We will continue to try and talk with the boys in an honest and appropriate manner. After the group meeting, Bryce got to go on a tour of the hospital with the other children. Each child was chaperoned by a staff member and we were given a pager to inform us if Bryce was upset or scared. He got to make 'fake' chemotherapy and a radiation pillow with his hand print in it. Apparently he got to work the pharmacy 'train' and did such a good job that he got an 'honorary pharmacist' sticker. After lunch, he made a pillow and shared it with the entire group of families and staff. He stood on the chair, held up his pillow, and was embarrassed to speak. Our social worker helped him through it and Robert and I couldn't have been prouder. He made a new friends that he is still talking about including; social worker, doctors, nurses, and peers.
In our meetings yesterday, the topic of cancer forcing 'lives' to become more public was addressed and the challenges that surround this new reality. For me being 'public' about our situation and emotions has been the easy part. We want as many people to know in the hopes that- the more people who know- the more people who will project positive thoughts and prayers. Our theory also extends in the opposite direction- we like to say- "don't tell anyone who doesn't like us, we don't want the negative energy." The challenging part has been finding ways to thank everyone for the amazing amounts of support that we have received and asking others to help in ways that we never needed before. We hope that through this blog we can continue to keep everyone informed and continue to articulate to you the gratitude that we have in our hearts.

Feb. 7th

2008-02-07T18:53:00.000-05:00

Robert takes his last dose of chemo tonight and looks forward to 23 days off. He did well and worked through the week. We did hear back from the oncologist and the doctors have decided to conduct monthly MRI's for the next 3-6 months a least- to monitor the white spot that was seen on the MRI in Jan. They all believe that this spot is most likely irritation and not tumor, but want to be proactive and cautious. We appreciate their attention to detail and will do what is necessary.
Someone shared this and I wanted to pass it along. I thought that this was so inspirational and relevant:
We are always talking about HOPE! Wikipedia defines: "Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of perseverance — i.e., believing that a positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary." It goes on to say that Hope is spiritual gift from God - divinely inspired from faith rather than just positive thinking and optimism.
We continue to hold on to hope. We thank everyone for the support that you have provided that allows us to maintain hope.

Feb. 4th

2008-02-04T20:39:00.000-05:00

Robert woke up feeling well and made it to work on time today. We were hopeful that he would tolerate the increased amounts of chemo well and so far so good. He was very tired this evening and has already gone to bed. The boys used to fuss that we got to stay up later then they did and now they can no longer argue this with us, as Robert is usually going to bed right behind them. We will post again soon. Thanks for checking in.

January 31st

2008-01-31T20:21:00.000-05:00

After countless numbers of phone calls- Robert has received all of his medications and will in fact begin his second round of chemo on Sunday evening. Even with the increased dosage the doctors anticipate that he will tolerate it well since he did not have any problems during the first round. He will take anti-nausea medication each night prior to the chemo pill. The hope is that the anti-nausea pill will cause fatigue and he will be able to sleep through the night without suffering from any side-effects of the chemo. Robert plans to maintain his work schedule. Those of you who know Robert well- understand that this is not a surprise. As usual- I continue to remind him to listen to his body and do what he can do.
Robert said it well on Tuesday evening (the day after our MRI) "Yesterday was a good day, and today was a good day." We hold wonderful memories of the past and we move forward with hope, but we live in the day. We take each and every day and find gratitude for many things.
I heard this statement on a television show and it jumped at me and I have been thinking of it often, "Life is not when or then, it's now." We can and have spent time thinking that 'when' we get something or 'when' something happens, 'then' we will be happy or We are wishing and waiting for something to happen at a certain point in time. Experience has taught us that it is important and more powerful to live in the moment. Do what you always wanted to do. Recognize and value the power in today. and --- love and appreciate the people in our lives.
Love to all.

January 28th

2008-01-28T19:43:00.000-05:00

We have done the 1st MRI since the first round of treatment and we are happy to report good news. The doctor compared today's MRI with one that was completed in Nov. and it appears to show that surgery and treatments have/are working. There are still some 'white' shadows around the area where the tumor had been and they tell us that this is either residual tumor or irritation from the radiation treatments. The hole where the tumor was, has filled in with spinal fluid and this is apparently what they want to see. There was a new white spot that was showing, but the doctor was not concerned. She believes that this is irritation and not a tumor based on other medical factors. She was very pleased with the scans and felt that this was a good report. Robert will continue to have scans every two months forever.
Robert continues to amaze the doctors with his speedy and otherwise uneventful recovery. He has not suffered from many side-effects often associated with brain tumors/surgery and the medications. His physical exams demonstrate that his strength has returned to acceptable levels, his neurological functions are good, and he looks and feels good. I think that the medical staff is beginning to realize what we already knew- Robert really is a super hero!
Ok- enough medical talk. We want to thank everyone for your continued support and good wishes. We find strength in the actions, words, and prayers of our supporters. We are grateful for the daily moments of joy and happiness. We are trying to stay focused on the things that are within our control and recognize that the rest is in the hands of a power higher and stronger then us. We believe in the power of positive thinking and maintaining hope. Being surrounded by such a huge support network helps us to maintain strength even when it feels like we are struggling to complete the simplest daily task. Robert and I are celebrating todays report and continue to pray for continued for success. Thanks.

January 26th

2008-01-26T14:53:00.000-05:00

So my four week hiatus from radiation and chemotherapy is over. It is now time to start things up again. We are going to the hospital on Monday to meet with the doctor. She will go over my MRI & blood work that will be completed earlier that morning. I then will begin the six month chemo process of five days on and twenty-three days off.

I returned to work two weeks ago. I am working eight hour days. I feel pretty good during the day and get tired when it is time to go home. I am going to bed around 8:30 - 10:00. I feel like I have more energy each day.

Tammy & the kids are doing really well. They are extremely supportive of me. I know that I can be challenging at times, but they just roll with the punches. Who could ask for anything more!

Thanks for all your support and we will give an update early next week to let you know how things are going.

January 16th

2008-01-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

Robert is working and the boys and I are busy with our routine of school, running errands, and playing. Robert enjoyed his first day back on the job and the boys and I were happy to hear it. We celebrated Robert's return to work on Monday with a decorated table setting, cookies, art work and and card games in the evening. The boys are right back into their old habit of asking where Daddy is each morning and I remind them that he is at work. We feel so blessed for the fact that Robert is able to return to work and continue to pray for continued successes.

January 13th

2008-01-13T16:10:00.000-05:00

Robert has continued to get stronger and feel better every day. Tomorrow is a big day as he will return to work. The thought of returning to work is both exciting and daunting. The possibility of returning to works demonstrates the positive results of surgery, treatments, and Robert's strength. Robert has tolerated treatment well and we continue to have hope that he will continue to feel well during the next round of chemo.
The boys were not happy to hear the news of Robert returning to work as they like to have their daddy close. On the other hand- I think that they may have been nervous when Robert first began staying home-
Each morning as I would greet them, one if not both boys would ask- "Where's Daddy?"
Just prior to Robert's surgery, Bryce had a serious conversation with Trey as he was questioning us about Robert - asking "Trey- Do you want toys?" (Trey said, "yes") and then Bryce stated, "Then daddy has to go to work."
We are grateful for the blessings that we have and will continue to receive. Bryce and Trey keep us grounded and bring us joy each and every day. We are grateful for moments of laughter, time with family, fun with friends, the physical and emotional nourishment that our community has provided.

January 3rd

2008-01-03T15:18:00.000-05:00

Radiation is over (actually it was over December 28th)! Chemotherapy is on hold, as planned, until the end of this month.

I will have an MRI, blood work and a meeting with my oncologist on January 28th. At this point, we will begin the monthly chemotherapy schedule - on for five days, off for twenty-three days (a twenty-eight day cycle for six months). The dosage of the chemotherapy drug will be doubled during this period over the radiation period.

I am scheduled to return to work on January 14th. I will see how it goes. I will hopefully have enough energy to stay for an entire day (each day).

I have felt good, with a little fatigue. Tammy insists that I am very stubborn, even more than usual - maybe a good thing ;).

We wish all of you a healthy and happy New Year.

December 25th

2007-12-25T13:17:00.000-05:00

Today we realized the joy of Christmas and the power of believing as we watched the boys open their gifts. Nothing gives us more joy then watching the excitement in their eyes, as the open the presents left under the tree. We recognize that Christmas is not just about the presents -but the belief that something magical has occurred, the joy of giving, and the time spent with family and friends. We know that Santa's elves, angels, and/or really good people- call them what you want- are surrounding us. THANK YOU- doesn't even begin to demonstrate our gratitude for all of the gifts that we have received. Physical gifts and the gifts of love & support. Thank you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.