July 24

This morning I sit here and try and mentally prepare myself for the funeral that will take place this afternoon. I know that here is really no possible way to do this and yet I as I always do- want it to be done well. Done well for Robert. The love of my life. The father that loved and took such good care of his boys. The son who was so attentive and loving to his parents and the brother who always enjoyed being with his brother and sister. The friend who was so loyal and considerate. A good guy.
I sit and listen to the music that we have listened to so many times and it now has a new meaning. The music has changed and it is still powerful. We will all hear the music again and find peace. I believe that Robert has found his peace and I know that he will help us to find peace through the lessons that he taught us.
We miss him deeply.
I wanted everyone to know that we will carry your energy with us today. For those who are not physically with us today- know that your thoughts and good wishes are being felt and we are thankful to have you in our lives. The memorial service will be a time to celebrate Robert and the "power of the people". Love to all.

July 21st

Today is the saddest day of our journey and I cannot seem to find the words to tell why. There seems no other way to say it. Robert died early this morning and our hearts are filled with grief and also with some sense of relief that he has now found peace. I know that he is peaceful and believe that we too will find peace again. For all those who loved Robert - there will forever be a place in our hearts that he lives in. He lived well, we had fun, and we are blessed to have had him in our lives for as long as we did.
I thank you again for your support that has helped to carry us through this journey. I thank you for your continued support as we strive to find our path through the next phase of this journey. There are so many supporters and it is impossible to reach out to individuals to express our gratitude. Please allow me to say a global thank you through this blog that Robert created to stay connected to you. We are blessed to have you.
Considering Robert's wishes and the large number of family, friends, and supporters it seems logistically challenging to accommodate so many for the funeral service. Therefore, we will have a private graveside service for immediate family members only. In the near future - we will hold a memorial service open to the extended number of friends. Until then - we feel your love and support and will hold it close in our hearts. With Love- Tammy

July 20th

It seems odd, but I am not sure how long robert has been at Gilchrist. The days, hours, and minutes seem to pass without recognition of where we are in time. There seems to be less focus on the global concepts of time and a greater focus on the moments in which we find ourselves in. Planning ahead - even hours ahead seems impossible. Without the initiative that others take - it would be impossible.
While the days seem to blend together, there are certain dates that stick in my mind - as they were moments that we knew signified dramatic changes that would forever change all of our lives. The exact changes and the timing of the changes could not be imagined or determined and I now believe that there is a reason for that. There are so many phases that we pass through during this journey and each one brings about its own set of emotions, challenges, and perspectives, and most importantly lessons. If anyone had to try and experience, face, deal with, and process everything that happens over time it would be an overwhelming emotion and sense of loss - that it would knock them down to the ground and keep them down. I believe that we are created with defense mechanisms that only allow us to process and take on as much as we can handle. There is a reason why - when given the diagnosis of Glioblastoma Multiforme Gr. 4 no one tells you what will happen. Now it is happening and I hate what is happening and I am powerless to control it. I am not so self-absorbed to even presume that I should be able to control what is happening to Robert. I believe that it is in God's hands and pray that Robert will find peace and comfort during this next phase of the journey. Trey said it today and I was surprised to hear such a mature and insightful comment spoken by such a young child - "It is nobody's fault." I hope that I can maintain faith throughout this journey that I will travel through for the rest of my life. I hope for everyone to stay focused on the positive thoughts and memories and not to expend energy on the questions of why and the unfairness of the situation. We must try and maintain a positive attitude and uplifted spirit to assist us in finding peace and, courage, and to find the positive lessons to be learned. We love Robert and I know that this would be his message to us. Thanks to all for you support that reminds us each and every day that we are not alone.

The Kinberg family has been deeply touched and continues to appreciate the love and support they have received. The many acts of kindness and good deeds have changed their lives forever. A number of people who have been following Robert’s condition have asked how they can support the family to offset existing and anticipated expenses. I wanted to let you know that Robert’s parents, Betty and Elliot, have set up an account for this purpose. If you would like to contribute, checks will be accepted in Elliot’s name to the following address – 6125 Harbour Overlook, Alpharetta, GA 30005. Contact phone number is 770-751 3813. Anyone who has a current Pay Pal account may send a donation directly to Elliot’s email at ekinberg@bellsouth.net. Please know that the family is thankful for the good wishes, prayers, and positive energy that have been showered upon them and nothing else is expected.

Sincerely,

Neil Weinstein(Cousin of Robert)

July 15th

It is hard to know what to say about what is happening. Robert remains at Gilchrist Hospice Center and that is telling- in and of itself. He went there for symptom management and now the symptom management continues for different reasons. Robert's health has changed dramatically in the two weeks that he has been there. I can not express the details tonight as today has been a very emotional day. The staff at the hospice are doing their best to keep Robert comfortable and pain free. It is obvious - even without test - that the diseases are progressing. Robert still recognizes us and we are thankful for the moments of connectedness that we capture. He is a fighter and our superhero. We pray for peace and comfort. We pray for the people who care for Robert to find the ability to continue to care for those that are so ill and often unable to express their wants and needs. We pray that everyone who supports us will know how powerful their good thoughts and good deeds have been in helping us to find white light during a time of darkness.

July 5th

Today is not July 5th - but I wrote this yesterday so I will post it today. It is July 5th - I have to think about it, but I know because it is our 12th year wedding anniversary. It is surreal. 12 years gone so quickly & yet spent so well. 12 years of love, fun, & good fortune. 12 years of good jobs, traveling, buying a house, & making it our home. 12 years of planning for & having children. Having our boys - the best decision we ever made. The greatest creations we could have ever been blessed with. Robert and I watch/listen (to) them with awe, spend time with them in amazement of their character, and love them with the deepest emotions possible.

Robert is still at Gilchrist Hospice Center. It is difficult to describe/explain how he is doing and I would have to explain hour by hour. We will treasure the joyous moments and work through the difficult moments. I celebrated today as any other really - Soaking in the precious moments and rationalizing the difficult circumstances that we find ourselves in - remembering the great memories and recognizing that we have little control over much of what happens. This is true for all of us. It is just that this lesson has been highlighted for us during our journey through this illness. May we all celebrate LIFE.

July 2nd

I wish that I knew what to report. What I do know is that we can not predict when Robert will come home and we will take it day by day. Medications are still being adjusted and Robert is being well taken care of. We are trying to find a balance of being here and there. I know that we made the right decision to go there and yet is seems that in some ways we don't belong there. It is the timing that I struggle to make sense of. We were going to Hopkins for treatment on a Thursday and went into the Hospice Center on Fri. There is no explanation for any of this - so I don't know why I would expect to have any understanding of the progression of Robert's illness. I am not focused on this all of the time. If anything this experience has taught us that it is the quality of time that matters over everything else. The Hospice Center has a beautiful garden and fish pond and we are thankful for the beautiful setting. It is difficult not all being together all of the time - but we know that we have to make decisions that are best for all of us - even when they are difficult. Our focus must be on the moments together - regardless of the setting. The highlights of the day were - All of us laughing together, Robert kissing us and telling us that he loves us. These are the events that we must hold in our hearts and that will help us to stand strong in the moments of despair. As always we thank you all for support that keeps our spirits high.